Discovering this sub was a revelation that there are other people like me.

Six weeks ago my wife and partner of 20 years told me she doesn't love me anymore. We have two kids together. I cannot overstate how much I love her or how devastated I am.

In the following weeks we've been talking about some of the things that led us to this, and I'm realizing a lot of it stems from the parents I grew up with, who were emotionally and physically absent. I am lacking a lot of normal social skills specifically in close relationships, which is kind of weird because I'm definitely a "people person". I can work a crowd and charm people. But in intimate relationships I don't know what to do.

• I don't know how to casually show nonsexual physical affection. I've never seen my parents hug or kiss. When I see normal couples touch each other and give casual hugs or pats or rubs or whatever it seems alien to me. I want it, but I don't know how to do it and it scares me.
• I don't know how to ask the right questions. I'll ask my wife how something went and she'll tell me it was good or whatever, but apparently I don't know to ask follow up questions or what those would even be, and I gave her the impression that I don't care about what's going on with her. I'm so very interested, I just assumed that she'd tell me what's happening without needing me to draw it out.
• I'm defensive as all hell. I'm always trying to justify myself and defend my position if I feel even remotely under attack.
• Despite having a lot going for me, I have a low self esteem and feel like I'm not worthy of love. If you asked my friends I think they'd be shocked to hear I have a low self esteem. I am attractive, I am funny, I SEEM confident, I make a lot of money. But inside I feel unlovable and worthless, like I'm a fake.

I am desperately trying to save my marriage with couples counseling and my own EMDR therapy.

But how do I learn how to be a normal human with all these weird gaps in my skillset? I feel like I am so broken and I don't even know what professional to hire to help fix me.

Edit: to clarify these are not the only factors in our marital woes, these are just ways in which my childhood neglect are factoring in