I finally confronted my wife about how she has been mentally and emotionally abusing me (yelling, outbursts, direct orders, threats of all sorts, physically blocking with her body and car, throwing things at me, blaming, shaming, accusations, etc). There has been constant manipulation since i have met her as well. I laid out my non-negotiable boundaries to her, she initially resisted until I held my ground that I wanted a divorce then. She broke down and relented.

She asked me to give her a chance like she had given me ‘a chance’. I fully admit that I had done some negative narcissistic tendencies towards her. She would emotionally abuse me until I relented in pursuing my own tendencies…and even after. It was her threats against my family that finally broke me down and I had a mental and emotional breakdown. As a codependent, I was done. I had nothing to give and realized I needed to protect my mental and emotional self.

I wrote out out a draft divorce plan, but then decided I needed to learn more. For the past three weeks I have learned more about Complex PTSD (which she has), narcissism and codependency (which both of us exhibit these tendencies and traits), emotional abuse, digital abuse, mental abuse, manipulation, and child hood trauma. I did not set out to earn a minor in behavioral psychology and disorders lol

After she relented in abiding by my non-negotiables, she started having an anxiety attack and I had to take her to the hospital. She has begged me to give her a chance like I had given her a chance. Only now she has relented on wanting to see a couples therapist as she claims that ‘would actually do the work’. Every time we are intimate, she wants me to tell her that ‘I’ll never leave’ her, and that she is ‘my true love’. I say it not out of conviction, but because I know she will throw a fit and make claims I do not love her (this is something she would do when at the beginning, I refused to say I love you as I did not feel it).

Yesterday I learn she looked through one of my diaries…I am deeply disturbed by this breach of trust. I can feel the control seeping in again and the manipulation. She Is speaking out against my parents again, and claiming her side…

I am emotionally done in many ways, but also want to believe her that she will change. She is again love bombing me… which does feel nice but I know I can’t trust it as I am on eggshells on when she will drop the facade of her ‘love for her best friend in the whole world’… and I am again faced with the reality I am married to a serial emotional abuser (her first fiancé committed suicide, and her two previous marriages ended when she found her husbands cheating…which makes me wonder what drove her husbands to cheat. Not that their behavior is excusable, as she claims they were both narcissists, but with her emotional abuse has even made me want to reach out to ladies to seek refuge from the storm of emotional abuse).

I guess I understand through an extent I understand what everyone here is going through. I love you all and this is my story I am still living.

The lesson I have garnered about emotional abusers is that they do not change completely. That seems to be the case from your stories, those on YouTube and the therapists speaking out there, podcasts and articles online.

I want to believe she can change and focus on self-love for herself. That is all I wanted from her the past couple weeks… practice self love, self care, self soothe herself so she can stop all this hateful behavior. But hearing from the stories… I am not sure if she can.

She says she is remorseful and that she cannot believe she was abusing me… she acknowledges her behaviors and narcissistic tendencies. She had made appointments to meet more frequently with her therapist and meeting with her group.

She continues to text incessantly and very clingy when she is around me. Trying to convince me she loves me and adores me.