I’ve been afraid of throwing up for most of my life (I’m f in my mid 30s). It doesn’t impact me as much as it used to but definitely something that still bothers me and makes me anxious.

The last time I remember throwing up was in…2010 I think? I feel like maybe I did once since then but I can’t remember for sure. But either way it’s been a long time.

So last night I went with a friend to happy hour. I’m a light weight when it comes to alcohol but a couple glasses of wine is fine. I hadn’t eaten all day so I ordered some fried mozzarella sticks. Ate them all and was enjoying our conversation and the buzz.

Then I went home and my partner had cooked dinner. He made baked ziti. I ate that along with some bread.

I had a bit of a headache which is not uncommon when I drink but it usually is short lived. I took a bath which usually helps. Then I laid down on the bed and fell asleep about an hour.

When I woke up my partner was asleep on the couch. I tried to watch some tv but the headache was really bad. I went back to the bedroom to try and just go back to bed.

I couldn’t sleep and something just didn’t feel right in my body. I wasn’t exactly nauseous but it also didn’t feel like my food had settled well. Anyway, after some deep breathing and such I ended up throwing up.

I won’t lie it was intense. And it was kind of on and off for a few hours. It was not fun. But it also wasn’t awful. Each time I did it I know I was that much closer to getting better. I needed to empty my stomach out and that’s what I did.

Not fun but definitely not worth all the anxiety I have over it. If you are struggling please hear this: Your body knows what it needs. Don’t fight it. Don’t fear it. It really is not as bad as you are thinking.

One thing I realized though is this: I think my anxiety is less about throwing up in general and more about doing it in public and the embarrassment of that. The one thing that I had forgotten is that it seems very loud when I throw up. In movies when people throw up it’s like quiet it at least for me in real life it’s kind of loud and dramatic sounding. I assume that’s normal but can anyone confirm?