being a ' victim ' of sexual abuse is crazy . im disabled for life because some relatives took pleasure in causing me pain . i cant talk about my experiences without making other people uncomfortable . but at the end of the day , the experiences were so mild in comparison to other types of trauma . i didnt watch my entire family get slaughtered in a genocide . i was never maimed . i spent a couple years getting touched and used by an uncle , and i was treated as my mentally disabled cousins stim - toy / cum - rag . oh no , poor elodie is incontinent and has trust issues and inappropriate sexual thoughts about being mistreated again . blah blah . thousands of people live everyday in worse conditions than me and yet still contribute more to society . if i had the means to , id finish the job i attempted . thats another funny thing though . my parents had no time for me all those years , pawning me off to be babysat by him while they ' HAD to ' work . letting him homeschool me and making me ' supervise ' my older cousin for years . yet when my adult self has finally had enough , and when i tried to take matters into my own hands , they suddenly have all the time in the world ? theyll jam their fingers down my throat to stop an overdose only to cover their ears when i tell them why im doing it ? la la la existence is lonely and exhausting and purposeless . feel free to tell me how pathetic this self - pity void is . or better yet , dont give me acknowledgement at all .