So. I'm gonna ask you to read to the end cause I'm tired of being ghosted. Please. I'll know if you didn't.

Ok here's the thing; I'm looking for a fuckbuddy or two, emphasis on the buddy. I like people I can have a couple drinks with, play some Guilty Gear or like, Mario Kart, and if the mood hits have a couple rounds of hot aggressive sex in a variety of positions. Cool?

Ok, here's the bits that keep getting me hung up or ghosted. Pay attention if you're thinking to DM me.

• I'm fat. Not ridiculously so and I've lost a fair bit but I am and I'm not bothered by it. If you are, NBD. Move on and find someone who's not. * *

• I'm married, poly, and non-exclusive. I'm attracted to people I like, regardless of gender Identity or genital configuration I give zero fucks about my own pronouns but if you do, I'm genderfluid and I use any or all. I was assigned female at birth, puberty gave me a beard, boobs and a cunt. I'm using testosterone to see if I can get my beard to stop looking like someone glued pubes to my face. I'm happy with who I am, but if any of this bothers you please don't message me, find someone you're into. * *

• I can't often host, for a variety of reasons. If the stars align and my apartment is empty long enough for a handy, I'm also a terrible housekeeper. If you can't host and you'll be disgusted by my clutter, please keep looking, I'm not for you.

If you've read this far I already like you. Send me a DM with a name I can call you, something from the preceding paragraphs that made you laugh, and your favourite character from any iteration of the teenage mutant ninja turtles. I'll reply with a picture if you included all three. Hopefully by the time we meet I'll have Shredder's Revenge and we can play together (^_~)