this morning i was reading a little more about the life of Earl's dad, Keorapetse Kgositsile, and it made me think back to Playing Possum

born in 1938 in apartheid south africa, he was forced into exile in 1961, and wasn't able to return to his home country until 1990. of this return to south africa after 29 years, he's discussing the group of writers and activists he'd been working with for a while who helped him come back:

Here are my colleagues and hosts. Can you deal with that? Hosts! In my own country... But there are no memories here. The streets of Johannesburg cannot claim me. I cannot claim them either.

part of his poem Anguish Longer Than Sorrow, which Earl interpolates in Playing Possum, says:

For some children, words like "home" could not have any possible meaning... To have a home is not a favor

now, ostensibly this poem is about child refugees of war torn countries, but i think there's also a connection to his personal experience of his home changing so much during his exile that he felt like a foreigner when he returned.

i think there's an interesting parallel here to Earl's relationship with the OF circle in LA. when he returned home from his exile, he felt like a refugee returning home to a place that had changed radically since he was last there, a place that had essentially moved on without him.

this sentiment is starkly juxtaposed against a speech from Earl's mother, Cheryl, which comprises the other half of Playing Possum. it serves as a mea culpa for her erratic and inconsistent behavior, and as an expression of gratitude for the support network that has allowed her to thrive. the twist here is that Earl is using his mother's own words to talk about his gratitude towards her, something he's gone on to say more explicitly later on (that she was there for him when he felt hung out to dry)

thanks for reading, i'd love to hear what yall think