Only cravings besides the "fuck everything and get plastered and deal with it later" cravings are the ones I get after seeing people on social media getting hammered and enjoying life. I've been having dreams about the ex again and those hurt like hell. It's been too long for me to care anymore but the brain just goes "hey remember about that relationship you really fucked up that you coulda saved but you chose to be a piece of shit instead? Yeah let's think about it for while today" and boom I'm that much closer to flying off the rails.

I've had the sober stints so I know it gets easier. Ive had rebounds so I know that gets easier, too. I have legal shit I need to be sober for. I don't miss the wd's and hangovers. I'm overall happier when sober but I'm also happier when drunk. Im just so fucking drained at this point and am losing a grip on my motivation and will power to give a fuck. Fuckin whatever. Chairs.