I’ve been sober a little over 2 years and it has gotten to the point where most days it’s easy to not drink, but today was really hard. I’m on a family vacation where I’m trapped with my family at the beach, and the last time I was at the beach I was getting blackout drunk. I got into it with my family today, because even though I’m sober I’m still the black sheep of the family, even though really hurts to say out loud sometimes. I’m swamped in school work and work work while I’m on vacation, so I had to stay at the condo while they all went out and had a great time, and I was left to be miserable with my work with a fridge stocked full of the very beer I used to drink when I was an active alcoholic.

Did it feel super insensitive to buy the beers I used to drink and leave me cooped up in the condo with them while they all went and had a blast with my 5 year old daughter and girlfriend? Absolutely. I had a full blown mental breakdown trying to convince myself not to drink a beer because my cravings came back 100X worse than they’ve been in years. In the end though I took a walk and I did not cave to the cravings, and even though I’m still an emotional ball of resentment and sadness and I can’t fully explain why to anyone which makes me look ridiculous, I did not drink. I’m proud of that at least, even if the rest of this day has been ass.