I have been really struggling to get sober and I want it bad. I am a very sensitive person and it seems like every time something happens I go on a week long bender. I isolate and drink unbelievable amounts for a 41 year old woman. I’m single btw and live alone. Withdrawing is hell, I’ve hallucinated, heard voices, and in February, I had a seizure.

Yesterday I had a mid bender wake up call, almost spiritual awakening that I was going to get better or die a statistic. First thing this morning I went to the ER. Is a 12 pack and 2 bottles of wine for 10 days not a lot? They gave me a bag of saline and told me they couldn’t administer tapering medication unless I went to a detox across town.

When I arrived at the detox center across town, it was next to the jail and the guy in charge basically told me that it’s not the place for me, he said there’s three houselss meth addicts here, and they just get in off the street or dragged by the cops.

I said fine I’ll do anything not to have to taper down and then start the cycle over again. I don’t want any more alcohol in my system and he walked me into a place that was basically jail to show me what a bad facility it was and said will give you a couple of pills and take your phone but it’s vaguely dangerous. My bed would’ve been in a room with a woman who was laying there, ranting staring into you the void. obviously in psychosis. also shared with three other people.

Now I’m sweating and alone and shaking in my apartment, I can’t sleep can’t eat, and I’m really terrified to have a seizure so it makes me want to go and get some booze just to make myself feel better, but I also want today to be day one of the real true sobriety and recovery. Sorry for the long post.

Also it’s too late to buy alcohol where I live. I moved across the country and I don’t really have any people here to look after me. Literally the emergency room didn’t do anything and I live in a very expensive town and the rehabs are ungodly expensive and I don’t have health insurance and money is tight too. I’m so sad I reached out for help and couldn’t get it.