I am at the end of my rope friends. I am sitting here drinking when I should be workIng on my rentals. I went out and I got my ass handed to me at the club rejection wise and I keep asking myself how can I do so well financially but fuck up everything else.

But then I stopped and had Mani. And the pain went away. I have given in but the flooding thoughts of how could you not keep your past relationships together, why are you so fucking awkward, this isnt rocket science; they all disappear. I probably should get back to work and then go to a ball game to ease my mind. I have tried therapy (and continue to do so), I try "getting out there" , try ro be less awkward. But I am done. I gave in to the zen of drunkness. The zen of who fucking cares about your "social norms". Fuck all of them. Fuck it fuck it fuck it.

The irony is my previous ex is talking and between the alcohol and her sweet talk it finally feels alright. Idk if anything will get us back in graces but she is working on coming State side so maybe it can work. Idk friend but the pain has subsided. Sorry for thr ramvlings but I needed to rant/vent. Thank you.