What's truly unbelievable is how he brought it up. He simply started talking about me "visiting whenever possible" as if my leaving the kids with him was...expected, and obvious. A given. He even told me I "could have overnights sometimes."

I've explicitly described his exact treatment of the kids. I've told him that the way he acts towards them is the reason I'm leaving him.

And he's putting in all this effort to change his behavior, but when asked, he said it's specifically for my benefit, not the kids'. Said that I'm too lenient, but he'll parent differently if it'll stop my trauma responses from happening. Cool, dude, all that means to me is that you don't believe the trauma involved here for me and the kids is at all valid. It's meaningless to you. And since the kids still love you and can't verbalize or conceptualize the trauma you've caused, then in your mind, I'm the only person affected, and it's because I'm overly sensitive.