For over a decade I was in a severely abusive relationship. If I hadn’t left when I did, one, or both of us would have ended up dead. I didn’t want to die.

I can’t forget what happened to me. Even years later my survival instincts are the first to always kick in.

Loud noises trigger me. I constantly check my doors, windows, stove, phone, kids, etc. I am afraid to be alone. I have alarms on every door and window in my house. I have cameras on the entire perimeter of our house. I even live in a completely different state.

When I wake up at night the first thing I do is scream and or search for my husband - whom I’ve been married to for over a decade - then I check my kids. This is a natural routine for me.

I’m glad I am away from my abuser, but somehow I feel like I’m still semi-trapped in the hell left over from it. And, the worst part to me is, he has never been held culpable, nor has he ever admitted and or felt any type of remorse for the damage he did.

Idk. It just feels good to vent. Thanks.