Hey everyone. I was married to my soon to be 2nd ex husband. He was everything I could ever ask for(at first); he was tall, strong, his eyes were a beautiful blue, and had such a way with words. He understood my past of being groomed, sexually assaulted, raped, and sex trafficked. He understood that I used to be a stripper and didn't think any less of me. He was in the Military and I felt so safe with him(for the time being). Things begin to change when his best friend in the military whom he trusted so dearly to come check on me, sexually assaulted/raped/manipulated me when I was weak, vulnerable, and scared.

I was 85lbs at the time and it happened for months and he told me not to tell anyone as he already lost everything when someone in his family passed away tragically. No one believed me and my voice was silenced when I spoke up, because I hid weapons in my room to protect myself as I was scared someone would break in and try to kill me. I suffered from an eating disorder that prevented me from eating normal foods as the Fear of choking and vomiting from this horrible event put so much psychological stress on me i forgot how to do the basic function: eating/swallowing normally. During these times I would get so frustrated, because I couldn't eat normally and I felt as though my husband at the time would ignore/not take my health seriously and only to take me to the hospital to get out of work or when he thought my health wasn't important enough and huffed about taking me to the hospital when I had a serious condition. Looking at normal people eating meals made me sick and I grew cold/bitter.

How could he let this happen to me? He was supposed to protect me? I had people stalking me in a car outside my house and random numbers they took from the military log of the spouses' numbers so they could get in contact with me. I was so scared to leave my house, but I had to; because I needed food and water and such at the commissary on base. I ALWAYS felt watched.

Let's go back to little bit in my Story. When we were first together we discussed starting a family and having a baby. He always dreamed of being a father. That time did come when I came to see him, he knocked the IUD out of me and I got pregnant. I was so scared and showed him the pregnancy test and everything.

Then disaster comes; I miscarry and was scared to tell him. I told him and I felt like I failed. Everything after that was constant fighting, him being on his video games nonstop, and I felt the need to have sex with him to feel wanted/validated. My mental health wasn't treated properly and I had to find my own insurance as he didn't even bother putting me on extended Tricare due to my severe health issues. His mental health suffered greatly in the military as he was hated, beaten, hazed, and mistreated; BUT his mindset of refusal to be treated or on medicines due to his family members discouraging the idea was not good at all.

When he eventually got out of the military he refused to work and when he had a job I told him to consider finding a higher paying one and get mental health help/possible medication management as the current one wasn't paying enough and I needed to get my medicines and food for myself as working in my current condition of still being underweight, being sick 24/7, and not mentally well wasn't the best idea to start work for myself. I understand the VA isn't a great ideal place for mental health, but he could've seen someone in a private practice. He eventually left me this year and I felt like I could breathe again. The Trauma bond we had was extremely toxic and we killing me by the day Physically and mentally. I know it sounds terrible, but I wish him well and hope he gets the help he needs to get his mental and physical health under control, because though what happened to him was awful/tragic; mental health should be taken seriously.

I recently got diagnosed with Bipolar and Autism. I now am still suffering with my eating disorder, Bipolar, Autism, ADHD, and DID, I felt defeated when I found out, BUT I embrace the fact that I am on a self discovery journey with myself and I am happy to say I'm FINALLY free as the once caged bird is free and can sing again. I am now in a safe environment, and have a healthy relationship/partner now. I am slowly but surely recovering from my eating disorder with the help of my partner, Psychiatrist, and therapist. I am grateful to be happy for once in my life. 🎶🐦🥹🩷