My husband is an admitted emotional and verbal abuser. He's been physically abusive about 7 occasions over 4 years according to the DV hotline guidelines (throwing objects, hitting objects, driving recklessly, and once sexually assaulting me (but no penetration)...but he says those things aren't physical abuse.

Anyways,

He says it's only because I trigger him. His triggers that make him go off the deep end:

1) when I interrupt him 2) when I repeat the same question more than once 3) when I don't immediately obey his instructions and try to persuade him to let us do things the way I'd like. 4) If I discuss his flaws at all

He said if I just stop these things, he'd stop yelling, screaming, storming off for hours, slamming doors, hitting things, etc. Or gaslighting and lying and berating me until I end up apologizing to him.

Why can't I just stop doing the things that trigger him?? .I try, but I'm too headstrong I suppose.

Has anyone in a DV relationship been able to be the person their abuser wants? Can this really make the abuse stop?