A party asks for the Lost Mines of Phandelver. She's cute. She's played that one but believed her friends hadn't. I decide to run it.

I just ran session 1 today. Goblin scene. They're approaching as a player states she knows this. Name drops Klarg. As the players talk. I make the plans to change things up.

Step 1. Fuck the goblins. They're dead now. Propped up on sticks. I think this was a thing in acquisitions incorporated. Sure. Let's run that.

Step 2. It was supposed to be a quick nab and grab. Cyanwrath thought. Sending a force of five bandits at what he was hoping would be a caravan of stranger wayfarers. But the adventurers showed up first. As they see approaching down the road. A caravan of twelve wagons. Maybe 30 people from what they can see from here. Yep. Let's sprinkle in some Hoard of the Dragon Queen. After some good Acquisition. Maybe we burn down some Phandalin. Crash a flying city. Establish some plotlines now for the game after that. Yea sure why not.

Step 3. Currently distracted by a set of 3 goblins. Dead. The small group of travellers look carefully in all directions. Spotting the bandits on fast approach. They stop the caravan motioning them to turn around. As the arrows begin to rain. The flanking force has now made their way down the tree line. Ambushing the wagon train as soon as the arrows stop.

Step 4. A player is now securing the other travellers. Players have split into teams with the other caravan guards. Establishing defense lines against the tree lines. My players got so into their defense. And became so dedicated to their heroism. I decide to keep the fight going. Doubling caravan guards. Narrating the unloading and unpacking of weapons by the merchants and commoners.

Step 5. Cyanwrath sends another wave. An army of 24 bandits led by himself. Azbarra Jo's tagging along on the side. As the next force emerges. Horses are calmed and the wagons rearranged. Those that can't fight. In the centers. Weapons are being passed around to those that can.

A PC was down and making saves. In the midst of roleplaying her death saves as a grapple with Myrkul. An artificer quickly gets a cure wounds spell put together out of spare parts from the inventories of the surrounding carts.

They were level 1. I was expecting a chase at most. What I got was the Alamo. So I go full Greenest.

I threw Lennithon at them. A burst of electricity crest the skies as the heavy sounds of dragon wings fill the air. Wisdom Saving Throws. Feeling the morale drop. Azbarra Jo's collecting bodies from the sidelines. The party was stumped. I nararate the wounded guards and the crying commoners. Our heroes tired from fighting. Bleeding through bandages of scavenged clothing. A member of the group has had enough. The party argues but he turns, walks away, and surrenders.

Step 6: Cyanwrath has no interest in prisoners. Azbarra Jo's has been experimenting with some special revivify rituals. And instead challenges the character 1 on 1. In exchange, those that can still walk. May walk away. He accepts. As Cyanwrath whistles, the bandits facepalm. Sighing and slumping. Here we go again. Lennithon lands lazily to referee the fight. Excited for such a short shift this raid. She breaks concentration on any spells she may have had.

Step 7.The fight begins. And as the PC. A level 1 wizard begins to fall. The ranger runs in. Swords up. And before the dragon fires. Convinces Cyanwrath to allow him in his place instead. At this point the other "bandits" are sitting down with the heroes eating rations. They all awwh and comment how this fight is the best 1on1 they've ever seen from Cyanwrath. And believe you me. They've seen a ton. But right now. They don't even mind it anymore. Clapping. One of them hands them a flier to the "Church of Tiamat". Check us out sometime. When you're not. You know. Guarding wagons and shit. Hail Tiamat.

They comment in disbelief that this ranger would actually do this. It's obvious death. Cyanwrath treats the ranger with respect. Asking politely for permission to begin. The fight is close between the ranger and Cyanwrath. He was at 30% when the ranger went down. Although he did get a potion of healing. A guard he saved earlier chose vaporization by Lennithon in order to toss a Potion of Healing in the Ranger's direction. Dex Save to catch.

We decided to run it Sword for sword. My right. His left. And we moved together around the field for flair. My left. His right. Ensuring to be within each other's range to avoid attacks of opportunity.

Step 8: As the ranger falls. The heroes freak out. I have them roll perception. Two roll low. I tell them that they saw their friend fall. And can't believe he's dead. They begin to run away. One of them struggling to decide how to collect the body. I turn to the artificer. Who rolled a natural 20. I turn the music on to cue the end of session. And tell him how he has been studying the well positioned military precision of cyanwrath's movements. Eager to write them down in his travel notes that evening. He sees. On the final blow. Cyanwrath flipped the blade of his great sword. Striking the ranger with bludgeoning damage.

The music builds. And I nararate Cyanwrath dragging the ranger's body away. The artificer asks for an insight check. A picture of any discernment in Cyanwrath's plans. I tell him. By the look in his eyes. He's looking years ahead. Azbarra Jo misty steps in. Casting fog behind their escape. The session ends with the heroes running through the woods as Lennithon launches into the air. The remaining cultists loading their new pillaged wagons with the bodies of the fallen.

Tl;dr : Learned finally how to get players to run away. Also that everyone and their friends have played Phandelver.