I feel like I’ve subconsciously been delaying allowing full disdain for the person I’ve been seeing pretty much since I met them 7 months ago. But the dam just burst this week and I feel like now I can’t put it away again. I hate that they like me. I feel betrayed that in some ways they’ve seemed aloof, but now that I’ve realized they seem to want to be with me I hate it. I’m not attracted to them and never have been. I hate sex in general. I don’t like anyone touching my body. I’m not asexual, just broken. I didn’t want to be alone and they seemed fun enough so I kept seeing them hoping the “love” switch would turn on. I hate anyone who likes me, but I hoped maybe it would be different with them because I actually like them as a person, unlike anyone else I’ve dated. We are leaving for a week long trip tomorrow and I feel like a monster. I’m gonna go on the trip anyway, but I feel like hell.