I believe my attachment style is dismissive avoidant There is this guy at work I like. About a year ago, him & I had some drama that caused me to stop talking to him for around 8 months. In that time, I always cared for him & missed him.

Anyway, around early november last year, we started back talking(i found out it was his birthday & I'm a BIG sucker for birthdays). I always wanna make people feel special on their birthday. I knew he missed me, so i buried the hatchet with him on his birthday & I brought him a gift.

I think he still has some bad feelings towards me because of the drama that happened between us, how I stopped talking to him for so long, & I also think he may be a little jealous of me because he has said some side comments about my life being more together than his(which it should be because im older but whatever).

I would just like to have a heart-to-heart with him so we can get past our issues, but he wont allow me to have a serious talk with him one on one in private. Everytime we talk, he always gets random co-workers to join our conversation & I'm almost certain he does that on purpose to fuck with me because he knows most of the other co-workers make me uncomfortable by how I change when more people come around. I become very reserved & uncomfortable. (This is the reason i'm currently considering cutting him off)

He even asked me one day if I didn't like this girl he got involved in our convo, because he noticed I wasn't engaging with her & I was just kinda waiting for him to finish talking to her & then I would talk to him. Basically, he was taking turns having two separate conversations at the same time.

I don't like when a 3rd person enters our interactions. This sounds so bad, like i'm some narcissistic abusive bad person that's trying to hog him all for myself, but that's not the case. I'm fine with him having other friends, in fact, now that I think im dismissive avoidant, I think him having friends is good, because when I need some space from him, he can go to his friends.

I'm currently not talking to him, and I actually told myself I'm done with him. The final nail in the coffin for him was when I realized I simply don't enjoy our conversations anymore because of all the people he gets involved. It seems like so often when we talk now, i walk away feeling uncomfortable. The first time we stopped talking I still liked him but it was just a chain of petty events that built up & led me to resolve them by cutting him off, but outside those petty events, I still liked him. This time, there are no petty events, I just am not enjoying his company anymore. But i think i would if he just allowed us to have alone time.

Even though I'm not talking to him, he says hi to me when he sees me (which is something he didn't do the first time i stopped talking to him for 8ish months). Do you think it would be a good idea for me to open up to him about being dismissive avoidant & ask him to allocate time for just him & i?

P.s, i know I made him sound kinda bad in this post, but idk i know he has a bit of a bad side to him, but i do too & I can relate to him on that. Knowing what I know now about myself & how a lot of bad behavior i have exhibited in the past was just defense mechanisms, i am considering giving him a chance & trying to understand him fully.