I'm currently in the car crying and trying to get the courage to call a hotline.

My husband and I moved in with my in-laws in July to help out, as the house was full to the brim. (What is called "hoarded".) Grandpa had broken his hip and grandma had been sleeping for days, not adequately feeding him, not bathing him or helping him to brush his teeth, occasionally fed him peanut butter and jelly, let him sleep in soiled bedsheets, etc. The list just goes on for so long that I can't type it all.

Grandpa got very sick with pneumonia while we were here. Grandma wouldn't let us help with anything without screaming at us, berating us, monologuing about how hard it is like a martyr while not doing anything for grandpa.

She's screamed at our daughter multiple times. She clearly has severe mental health issues and she will not address anything.

Back in November, I heard my husband on the phone from the next room speaking to emergency dispatch. I ran in to see what was the matter. Grandpa had suddenly slumped over and lost consciousness while my had been feeding him applesauce. I told my husband we needed to move him to the floor to do CPR, as he wasn't breathing and had no pulse. Grandma tried to take over and told us to just do it on the bed. Thank goodness the dispatcher told my husband that he needed to be flat on the floor. I found out in that moment that I was the only adult who knew how to do CPR. I did chest compressions for ten minutes straight until the paramedics arrived. I had to continue until grandma could find the advanced directive that had only been filled out days before to show that grandpa didn't have a do not resuscitate order.

It just goes on and on with her screaming at everyone in the family over everything, yelling is to get our "shoot and get out", then making a big scene, begging us not to leave her..

So, grandpa spent three days in the intensive care unit after being "stabilized" (intubated, defibrillated, injected with drugs to keep his heart going, etc.) Although he had specified what he had wanted, grandma wouldn't say anything or do anything. She started bothering the nurses in the ICU about stuff that wasn't important, related or even logical most times. She yelled at grandpa's other kids...

So, he was in the state of continual seizure the whole time, which was very hard for anyone to see. She wouldn't let anyone talk about anything except how nobody understood what it was like to lose him.

She has been inside of the house with the exception of the three days at the ICU. My husband got her to come out of her room after the fifth time he had to cancel with the funeral home to pick up grandpa's urn. When they came back with it, grandma wanted to put it on the floor because the house is so trashed that there isn't room to put anything anywhere. The was the last straw for my husband. He pushed all of the chewed up sheet music the rats have destroyed from off the top of the piano and put grandpa's remains there.

My husband keeps asking me to put up with her screaming in my face from two inches away, screaming at my daughter and making her wait on her instead of asking us for help, taking while boxes of crackers and cookies and snack things (that are for the kids) and lying the empty packages back into the cupboards and refrigerator instead of the trash. It's so dysfunctional and upsetting all around.

My husband is angry, abusive toward me, yells, etc. Yesterday he screamed at me in our front yard that I'm autistic and I can't see it. He apologized later, but he also told me that I couldn't take our kids somewhere else for a few days to defuse the situation for a while. Then he told me to pack all of my stuff and leave, but I couldn't take the car, then he told me he'd see me in court. Then he told me I couldn't leave...

Tonight was a big blow up of grandma being passive aggressive about me asking where boxes of stuff and missing ingredients for dinner were. I've called the store a couple times to ask if bags were left behind because boxes of stuff are missing the morning after I fill the cupboards.

She's decided that now she's never going to eat any of our food, but we're ungrateful and we need to give her money because she can't afford food. I tell her there's plenty, but we can't make the meals of the stuff goes missing. Anyway, this turned into her threatening suicide, then me telling her that her right to want to die is nothing we'll ever take away from her, but threatening to kill herself to her family is emotional abuse. Then she told me she can't kill herself because she has a cat to take care of.

My husband yelled at me for offering her pizza after she was being shitty to us for offering her pizza because of the missing food and stuff.

So, here I am sitting in the car. I don't speak to my regular telehealth counselor until Tuesday, and I've had a difficult time being clear about just how bad things are here.

I'm a disabled homeschool mom in my thirties, raising two disabled genius kids in a place that is pure torture to be in.

Grandma needs help for so many things. We don't want to leave her here to lay down and die. This dance is Hell.

I can't leave, I shouldn't stay, adult protective services should have been called well before grandpa got sick, my husband forbids me to talk to anyone about the depth of it. I feel like a whipping boy for two people who will never use conflict resolution.

I'm tired of being treated like this, it's affecting my health in so many ways. I feel ground down and I don't know how to keep doing this every day.

I'd appreciate any comments here. Even if I'm the jerk.