Every month or so I go through a few days when I'm a very different kind of animal. I watch people seeing nothing more than fantasies, my pulse is higher than normal, my senses are in a peak state and I even walk differently. At every moment I have a discrete but perverted smile and I have an immediate response inside my cock by just looking at any potential prey.

Any decent-looking woman becomes a good candidate and I'm not limiting to a single gender or person, it's a time when everything is possible. Every month is the same story while in particular there can be opposite urges. Right now everything's CNC (consensual non-consensual) in my mind, even if I just say "Hi!", and you shouldn't trust me in this state.

I think this "era" started when I became a father. Before this, I was just a very curious guy regarding anything that made at least a small spark in my mind. I settled down with the only person that embraced my behavior inside a relationship and not only for sporadic encounters after a few drinks. Initially, becoming parents deleted this stuff from both of our minds but with time it came back in full force.

I realized that something changed in my brain a while ago when I made a new acquaintance because one day my eyes have seen something different. I'm usually not into young girls or piercings and tattoos but now this girl was the package that made my blue eyes smile with evidence of perversity. I never understood in full the idea of BDSM applied to people that aren't into this lifestyle because I can't see a reason to use restraints on somebody that wants anyway to go crazy with me. Well... now I got a few ideas, to say the least. I found out that I can feel the urge to punish somebody without having a reason to, or maybe I'm just a sadist when I shouldn't be. And what I found to be more fun is that I wanted to tell her everything although, in this particular case, I chose to keep everything to myself.

One way or another for me it would have been an interesting experience, or experiment, to see how can I present my ideas to her without making her run. How can I say to her, other than directly (this is a rhetorical question), that I want to go Shibari with her, to spit on her clit before slapping it with a wooden ruler?! I want to leave marks on someone's body, like a sign of property that will be erased by time from her flesh but not from her mind, I want to find her limits and step beyond "with dirty boots" because that's what I need. Yes, I want to cum on somebody's pain. As someone explained this to me recently... "You're an animal. If you're hungry, eat. If you want to mate, fuck me. I understand the cyclical evolution of your needs, I can understand when I'm needed, and can accept my role. I had enough attentive and understanding men."

Sometimes I enjoy letting my instincts run a little in the wilderness just to observe what's happening and imagine how far I could go if I'd want to. In these kinds of days it feels like I'm chemically altered from the inside, I become extremely manipulative, I can get any desired reaction out of anyone, and make anyone accept anything no matter how outrageous while making them believe it's their idea. I'm not necessarily proud of this, but I feel like you don't have a choice and you exist only to satisfy my need.

I need no judgment, I exposed my recurrent need to decide one's amount of pain and pleasure. It's a temporary need to hurt somebody in exchange for pleasure and sometimes I want to be in absolute control, that's all. It may be a weakness, I know, but it is what it is.