Good Evening Women of Reddit,

Welcome. Looks like you might be alone, horny, and for whatever reason this is where you came (ha, I kid, lets be real if you were doing that you wouldnt be reading this) to try and find some kinds of satisfaction.

Maybe you're just here to fantasize and let your hands wander across your smooth skin. Maybe you do this all the time. Whatever your reason, Im not here to judge. I have my reasons for being here too. But Im sure, the thing we have in common is a bad case of the horny.

So you log into reddit and here we are, the M4F ads. If it were a room, you would open the door, and behind that door, a small army of horny cocks stand at attention. Their helmeted heads jostling for position... Each of their single eyes seems like its staring deeply into... well, if not your sad and lonely soul, then some thing that rhymes with it. Oh god, what have you done? You scroll through page after page of disappointment. But then you open one more ad. My ad.

Why would I pick this one? You ask yourself. Well if you like tall guys, I stand at 6'3". Im built kind of like a defensive lineman. I wont lie Im a little thick at 250lbs, but I have stamina from hiking (up to 15 miles at a time) and a pretty face. Theres a picture of me on my profile. Yes thats right, you dont have to exchange 3 awkward, low effort messages with me to find out what I look like. You can immediately tell if Im cute, and if you'd like to message me.

Have you ever been at someones house in the middle of the night, after drinking heavily? Sweating profusely after a long night of trading orgasms with a sexy stranger, you wander into the hall to find a bathroom. Half naked, you stumble in. Screams, shouting. Their roommate is on the toilet with a bad case of food poisining. They didnt lock the door. Awkwardness. Regret. All that effort keeping the moaning down? Wasted. With me? Not a chance! I have my own apartment. A real bed. No roommates. We can cook bacon naked at 3am if we want. Recline naked in the living room. Sure, why not?

If you've read this far, then you'll see that Im willing to put in a little effort writing my message into the void. When Im with a woman, Im willing to put in the effort to learn what you like and how to make sure you have a good time.

I hope you've at least gotten a chuckle, and if any of this sounds fun to you, take a look at my picture and shoot me a massage, er, message and lets chat about spending an evening together.