*Sad warning*

Welp, I think I'm at that stage of depression where I'm no longer capable of feeling emotion. Feels like nothing, and I've forgotten entirely what happiness feels like. I don't even get scared anymore, like the other day a pissed off pit-bull charged me, but I just stood there and waited for death's embrace. Lo and behold he got scared when I didn't move, and here I still am with my neighbor confused as hell (It was his pit-bull). A dog wouldn't be my first choice, probably a shotgun to the forehead. If you made it this far then congrats, I'll tell you why I'm like this, should be somewhat entertaining, or pull at your heart strings, or maybe you just want to hate me, I honestly don't mind any of it. It all started in high school (What story doesn't.) After being homeschooled for 5 years I thought I'd try my luck at high school. How fun, nobody said a word to me, even after I reached out. I sat at a friend group's table I thought would be friendly to me, but I got stared down and told to fuck off. Okay then. Then comes this girl, this absolutely stunning woman who felt bad for me, just starts talking about how she enjoys my company, and says I'm super attractive and she was too shy to approach me, as well as other girls were too. I asked her out and we dated for 3 happy blissful years. funny thing being I started making friends through her, people who cared about me or were interested in my company. And my brother who I love is becoming a success in life, everything was nearly perfect.

Up until my freshman year in college. I wasn't satisfactory enough, and the bills only went up. I cried and told my gf of three years that I wasn't able to continue at college anymore, and I'd have to move back to my hometown and finish college. The second I moved, the fucking second I moved she accused me of cheating, and she cheated on me, and we were done. We had plans to marry and move in together, but it's gone. A year later I tried going to my local college, only to fail the classes and get kicked out of uni. To be honest I've been to depressed to focus but now that it's come to this, and the amount of debt I'm in, I'm at a breaking point. Funny thing is that a friend of mine killed himself recently. Poor bastard. I tried getting into another relationship, but god has that been catastrophic, Everyone I ask has a boyfriend, or just runs away. I ask women online if I'm attractive and I haven't gotten below a 6/10. Idk maybe I'm being a pussy right now. I think of suicide constantly.

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If you're reading this know that I am in constant pain