DISCLAIMER: Real fast, since I have received a couple red flag messages already I want to make something clear. While I am desperate to find a partner I do strongly follow online guidelines of safety as outlined on these sub reddits. It should go without saying but until we meet for the first time, in a very public place (such as the NorthTown Mall in Spokane, though open to alternate suggestions) communication will be kept STRICTLY to through reddit. If within the first few chat messages an attempt is made to redirect me to a messaging service or give me a phone number (especially one with a non-Washington or Idaho Area Code) that IMMEDIATELY brings up red flags and will result in a block. I say this in the off chance that someone legitimate reaches out and attempts to do this. Don't do that because it will be an instant block. Also, I am only interested in someone locally who wants to meet up, I am not interested in online or long distance. Thanks.

This is going to be a bit of a long and probably rambly post but I will try to consolidate everything as best as possible. I do ask that before messaging me you read the whole thing please. I know it's a lot but I have a lot to ramble about and, truthfully, I am putting myself in a bit of an uncomfortable position as I am not the most confident of people but this is something I do really want to do.

To start I want to be blunt, straight forward, and upfront with this post. I feel honesty and transparency is very important so there are a few things I want to mention immediately. I am not a looker, not only am I overweight (5'9" ~315 lbs) but I am also balding (Though I shave my head so its not really noticeable) and not the most pleasant of people to look at. I also am not well endowed, in fact my penis is rather small (especially by reddit NSFW post standards) I have never measured it but still I know and accept I am just not well endowed.

Also, I do have a job and my own vehicle however I do live with my parents currently and am not ashamed of it. I understand if that is a deal breaker and I do get it. Again, just wanting to be honest.

With that out of the way I am making this post because I honestly can not stand it anymore! 32 years of deprivation from physical touch, pent up sexual tensions, and mounting emotional frustrations and I am not getting any younger on top of it all. I am looking to fulfill physical and social needs of intimacy and companionship with someone close to my age or younger.

It's not all just the pursuit of sex, though I do hope to have a very physical relationship. I am honestly looking for a best friend and long term companion. Maybe it's a bit silly and overly romanticized desire, but I am looking for someone who has similar interests, who is fun to hang out with. Someone who we can be really casual and lax around each other and just enjoy each other's company fully. To have an emotional and physical, intimate, connection. Someone who wants to cuddle, kiss, grope, grind, dry hump, fuck, and really enjoy each other in any capacity in the spur of the moment.

With sex and kinky stuff in mind, while I have no experience there are certainly things I do want to try and feel a strong attraction towards. I would really like to learn to be good at cunnilingus and would really like to try analingus. Speaking of butts, with the right partner I would not mind experimenting with pegging either. I actually really have a thing for take charge, assertive, types though I don't think I would want to be with a full on dominatrix haha.

I do know I am not a masochist, pain is not my friend and that includes emotional pain. Truthfully, I am a bit of a big, emotional, overly worrying, baby. So things like humiliation are also out for me and with that said I do not believe I could be on the other side of things either. I do not think I would feel comfortable being... aggressive physically or emotionally. I don't feel like I am explaining this part well enough because the idea of "rough/aggressive" sex is appealing just not treading into masochism territory.

I also have a thing for scents, but they are weird...? I don't have a foot fetish or armpit or anything like that but there are certain scents that I just really enjoy that would probably be seen as weird. Things like certain cosplay materials with a strong plastic/rubber/whatever it is smell. That skunky weed smell is also pleasing and I say this as someone who has never done drugs in his life nor has much of an interest in such. Though I have nothing against a partner who uses marijuana... which actually leads into another kink.

So, to preface this I would NEVER ask anyone to do something they are uncomfortable with and I view their personal health as top priority. With that said I have always had a smoking fetish. Something about it is such a turn on to me and feels so taboo. I don't think I could be with an actual smoker nor would I want a partner to start smoking just for a fetish but if said partner partook in marijuana I admit it would be kinda hot.

I know I also have a thing for certain styles of clothing, often in the more goth or punk/metal aesthetic. I freaking LOVE the look a black leather jacket with studs on a woman. In fact I would take a partner in a black leather jacket, collar and wrist bands, studded belt, and black boots and nothing else over lingerie as my idea seductive and sexy look haha. Especially with a confident, in control, assertive attitude.

Also, it's not fully sex focused, but public showings of affection and physical interactions appeal to me. I have fantasized about holding hands, or having someone sit on my lap and feeling their soft, warm, butt against my crotch. The thought of sneaking a grope, resting a hand on a partners butt, etc is all exciting to me. Heck, I will admit public stuff in general is exciting though I also don't think I could ever get into it out of fear of legal repercussion haha.

I don't know, there is more but that's just a few rambling sexual thoughts. Ideally if I find someone who shares a mutual interest in/attraction with me I would hope we could comfortably and casually talk about sex. It honestly goes back to the fact I am not just looking for sex but someone to really be close with, to feel comfortable talking about these things with even at the spur of a moment and casually at times.

Sorry, this must probably all sound a bit silly or obvious or whatever and I am sure my lack of experience is probably showing a but. I really am not good at this. As mentioned, I am not exactly the most confident of people and this post is one I have actually been working on and off on for several months now as I occasionally updated the draft.

Admittedly, I am a bit scared of getting an actual response even though it's what I am actively seeking for a plethora of reasons. I have never really had success and certainly not for a lack of trying. Paired with watching so many friends deal with bad relationships and the fact that we live in a society with some pretty high divorce rates. I guess having never been in a relationship the whole thing is both appealing and exciting but also absolutely terrifying because I don't want to be hurt and I certainly do not want to hurt anyone else. Is it normal to be scared?

I am also a horrible hypocrite... as mentioned in the first few paragraphs I am 100% not a looker and am very overweight but I am not really into others who are very overweight like myself. I am terribly sorry to say that and wish I was a better person.

Again, sorry, I know it's a bit of a roller coaster of a post and a bit ramble but I want to be honest and upfront as best I can and am very inexperienced with all this. I have a little bit more to say and appreciate you getting this far already so please bear with me as I know this post is a bit all over the place.

So I mentioned I am a gamer nerd in the title and wanted to touch on that a bit. I have always been into video games since I was a kid, in fact at one point I wanted to be a game designer but things never panned out. I do like to program sometimes in my free time as a hobby though I have never completed anything. I am into games, art/drawing, cartoons and anime, cosplay, etc.

I should also mention that I am a pretty religious person though not the type to really bring it up unless asked. I just humbly ask that a partner be respectful of my religious views, and I certainly do not expect a partner to follow those views just respect my following them please. For example, I do not participate in any form of politics nor do I really enjoy or, with a few exceptions, discuss them. I am not a political person.

Also, it should be noted that aside from obesity I only really have two medical issues. I suffer from severe sleep apnea and do use a CPAP at night and I do suffer from depression (Who doesn't anymore) and am medicated for it. My depression medication has also greatly lowered my sex drive though I still feel its pretty high.

One more thing, I absolutely insist on a public meetup to get a chance to hang out and see if we would even really mesh well together in the first place. A chance to determine if there is mutual physical and emotional attraction before going further. For that I do get off of work at 3pm PST in the Spokane area so meeting up after that time is most ideal though I don't mind meeting on a weekend either. Again, I am not really the most confident or forward of people so if we hit it off please feel free to make the first move during said meetup but also if there is no interest please just be blunt and we can go our separate ways.

Anyway, I think that's most the important things I can think of out of the way and certainly there is stuff I've probably missed so if you are potentially interested feel free to ask any questions just please be respectful and understand that I am very nervous about all of this haha.

Thank you very much for reading through this whole mess of a post, I do appreciate it, and regardless of any possible interest or not I hope you have a good day and find what you are looking for on this reddit :)