I feel like sharing is the first step toward understanding and expanding one's perspective, so I thought I would share a story that led me to where I am today. I'm not looking for, nor do I need approval from anyone. I'm just putting this out there in the off chance that there is a woman out there who gets why being this open is a path to living freely and openly.

Some time ago, I met a woman on another place like this who shared an interest in bdsm and wanted to get together to play. She lived up in the mountains in Jamestown, northwest of Boulder. The scene she wanted to do was to tie me up outdoors in the trees and hurt me with various things. At the time, I was very into latex (was my first fetish) so I showed up wearing a catsuit and a hood and we hiked up the hill above her house and played. It was fun, and not super serious - laughing and just generally playing, but she was pretty skilled at inflicting what she wanted to inflict which I appreciated immensely.

When she had worked me over for about an hour, she decided to start deep throating me. I noticed that she particularly seemed to enjoy the mess of saliva she could conjure up when she did this and she didn't shy away from working me all the way into her throat. I commented on how she liked that and she just said that getting messy was the point. When I voiced my approval at that comment, she untied me and took me down to her house where she continued to work me over. But as it got sloppier and sloppier she mentioned that she really, really loved making a mess and I told her to go for it.

It took her all of about 30 seconds to intentionally push me into her throat until she gagged and puked on me. When this happened she just looked up at me with lust in her eyes and asked if I was ok. It felt awesome so of course I said yes! I had experienced little, minor mishaps before, but never had someone intentionally try to puke. She did it again, several times and all I could do was watch her with amazement. I found it extremely erotic.

We talked the next day, and she assured me she enjoyed herself and that it wasn't at all humiliating because she got extremely turned on by the act. It wasn't even the submission of it - she was in full control - it was actually an act of domination because she was defiling me in that mess. I was intrigued, but never got to explore more because she moved away a week later and I never saw her again.

I have re-lived that experience in my mind ever since, and I now know that I actually shared her fetish for incorporating puke into sex. It has a name - emetophilia but it's obviously a very rare fetish. But I still very much get turned on by it. As with most things like this, it's pretty hard to find anyone to share it with - the stigma and the shame mostly keeps people from admitting it. But I still hope there is a woman out there who gets it and might want to explore or indulge with me.