Why do the only relationships I seek prioritize both pain and love? One cannot exist with the other. I want someone who hurts me. Not exactly physically. But someone who loves me, but can only love and hurt me simultaneously. Pull and push. But pain always comes after love. Sometimes I feel as if love's true nature is violence. Love makes me feel violent.
I want someone to make me fall for them. I want someone to make me feel not alone. I feel so alone.
I want yearning, desire, lust, passion, obsession. I don't want to play it cool. I want to want you with all of me. I want to feel that tug and pinching and twisting in my chest when you're away. I want to feel relief and peace and home with you when you come back to me.
"Time drags on I hate him for the time he's gone I've been here for weeks, I've been here for years I've been here too long I forgot what stop means Either I drink it or the boat sinks It's easy for him to get out of me What I've been praying will get out of me
Will I always be crying during sex with you All my dreams take place in heaven where it's quiet, lying next to you Heavy breathing and sighs, bruises between my thighs, look me deep in my eyes like I'm a river worth wading And if I'm crying, it's because I'm in love"
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