I am a 26-year-old Dutch aromantic guy with, if I say so myself, reasonable life experience, but as the title suggests a total exception in the romantic field. As a consequence and so, quite directly: I have never done 'it'.

What is "aromantic"?

Since a lot of misconceptions exist about this term (and a lot of people just simply don't know what it actually is), I'll explain it. Basically, I can feel sexual attraction, but rarely romantic attraction, which in my case means I've not yet felt romantic love in my whole life (the feeling of butterflies, not to be confused with "love" by simple friendship). As a consequence I've a lot of friend I "love", care about and share deep emotions with, but I've never been in a relationship (so with people I love romantically). I always believed I simply didn't find "the right one" yet, untill I learned about the aromantic spectrum. For the sake of not making this post too long, I highly recommend reading my post on r/aromantic (I basically pushed myself on my first date ever, not so long ago, and it wasn't a success, other than getting to know myself better).

Actual post

To be honest, my virginity didn’t bother me for a long time at all. I wasn't actively looking for a deeper connection and didn't even know I happen to be aromantic. Life on its own is enjoyable as is. But the past period has made me quite insecure. Besides, I am not really the going-out type. Let alone that I just start talking to random people at the bar. I have been kissed a few times unexpectedly, but that was often by ladies who were either too drunk to respond to, who couldn't read me, or by someone whose intentions I could not quite read myself yet. And it sounds funny, but as a aromantic I literally don't know how to respond (I'm rather a bit confused when it happens). The one time a lady was clear about her intentions and wasn't drunk, it didn't feel right (she was too direct and therefore a bit weird in my mind, if you understand what I mean). I respectfully rejected her when she asked me to come over to her place.

Don't get me wrong: I have plenty of good female friends, but never had any relationship. The latter began to weigh more and more heavily on me, especially in the past 2 years and since I discovered I'm actually aromantic. Now that insecurity actually still exists and I sometimes feel a bit lonely or like I'm missing something that others have, even though for now I have friends I talk to daily. I just can't accept the possibility of being alone forever and I'm also scared of ultimately losing my friends when they get into a relationship themselves. It's even starting to affect my self-image: I'm dieting, using different parfums and other products and doing all sorts of things to make myself feel more confident.

It's just so that I find it difficult to talk to strangers and honestly feel comfortable alone most of the time, which doesn't encourage me to talk to non-friends in the first place. Other times I feel totally horrible and lonely, which isn't just cured by meeting my friends. Maybe the problem also lies with the fact that I've not known better than to live alone. I just don't know how to put it, but even now, at age 26, I don't truly know myself, and it makes me feel insecure. On one hand I wish to get done with, hoping to gain an experience which at least helps me moving forth: that's obviously the reason of this post. On the other hand I question if it truly helps with my insecurity. I've heard a lot of people saying its often not as expected.

What am I looking for?

Now of course my clear intention is intimacy or, let's not turn around it, even more directly; sex. But that's simply not just it. And to make it a bit more complex and vague: I'm also not seeking something on a romantic level of course, since that would be pointless as an aromantic person. I just want to make it less boring than I imagine it could otherwise be (I explained this is a post on r/aromantic, which is also linked earlier in this post). I'm looking for a slightly more complete experience than "just pleasure" - otherwise, of course, I could have sought out an escort/sexworker. But that, in my opinion, feels so impersonal, emotionless, boring and fake (I hear you probably thinking the same, otherwise you wouldn't be on the same sub I guess). I'm looking for something more: especially one-time companionship with someone who really cares about helping me, has fun with it, respects me for who I am and although an one-timer, has passion and something to gain out of it as well, without hurry and especially without the money-factor. Interesting and fun conversations and when it finally comes down to it, something not that extreme. I am also open to other inexperienced/virgin or aromantic people: I figure being with another virgin or aromantic like myself, and especially someone who can relate, can give us the time to explore ourselves without the intrusive thoughts of performance and expectations. A sort of middle ground where we can both be ourselves without worry. Hygiene and safety are of course very important. And I am STD free but am willing to take a test for verification.

Furthermore, I set myself without any expectations. Nor do I care about your looks or age. As stated above, your personality is far more important.

Now something about myself:

I speak both English and Dutch (native), am quite enterprising, open-minded, but at the same time also quite introverted and at my moments incredibly uncomfortable. Momentarily I'm on course of finishing my MSc. degree in physics. I play D&D, Pathfinder and all sorts of other TTRPGs at least twice a week and daydreaming is my specialty: when it comes down to physics and astronomy, I'm either unwakeable or you can't get rid of me, provided you asked me the wrong questions. No wonder I study it, I suppose. Perhaps I am a nerd ;)

My appearance: 1,87m (6'2"), 87kg (192lbs), white skin, green eyes, brownish hair and a proud owner of a dark-red beard.

About the appointment

Should it eventually come down to an appointment, I think it would be nice to consider getting to know each other better first. Perhaps we could pick a day to just only grab a cafe/restaurant if we both live in the Netherlands for example (so without direct intimacy afterwards). This is purely to put us both at ease (or probably mostly myself, since I know myself as remarkably socially awkward). Then we both at least know what to expect from each other or have the time to decide to not continue if it happens to doesn't feel right. But if you want more anonymity, I totally respect that.

I can receive you at my home (in Delft) or any hotel, but can also travel across the country.

Short applause for reading all the way to here. Feel free to ask questions if you want to know anything or just want to chat. As a sidenote: I'm also open to answer any question about being aromantic, unrelated to this post, as I suspect some people on this sub are actually aromantic, without clearly knowing it yet.