Greetings!

As the title has presumably already given away, I’m just another dude searching for a domme, same old, same old. However, I dare claim that I'm a lot more reliable and honest than your average male sub, so, if nothing else, there's that. To prove this (and in no way because I just ramble a lot), I shall demonstrate these properties in the following ad. Or, in normal people speak: It's gonna be a long one, buckle up!

Alright, enough, time to compress too much information into too little text and then failing miserably at doing that! As you do!

Part I – Who am I?

For those suffering from serious short-term memory loss, I’m a caucasian male, 33 years old, born, raised and currently located in Germany, and I’m looking for a few screws I lost. Wait, no, that’s another ad. I’m actually looking for a domme, yes! Just like every other generic white dude on Reddit, I have gathered the nerd trifecta of anxiety, depression and, highly likely, ADD. This was a conscious choice, because I didn’t want to be different from the rest of the group, you see? Anyway, after a few years of studying the ins and outs of your average medical system, I appear to have eventually landed on the final battlefield, so I shall prematurely declare victory. So, with that out of the way: I’m a mentally healthy caucasian male, 33 years ol.. wait a minute…

Oh yea, and I’m hilarious. Please laugh. Well, moving on anyway, you had your chance.

Physically, I also bend to Reddit’s peer pressure and decided it would be best to stay solidly overweight at currently ~115kg, just to have some extra in case I ever slip up. At ~183cm that could be worse, but, well, it’s not good. Willpower willing, that’ll hopefully start changing again in the near future. Hm? What was that? You don’t know what those numbers mean? I’m very sorry, sounds like you may have a mild case of Americanism, that sucks. But there’s help for that now, maybe try Google? Okay, look, it’s 6 feet flat and like… 250lbs or some such? There you go, feeling better, huh? Last time though! Oh come on now, what do you mean “stone”? It’s 18. Gees. Get a grip! If that's too much of a bother, I have been told I have a decent voice and apparently I make "cute noises", so, you know, if you're more of an audiophile, there's that, I suppose!

Sooo… where was I, before I completely abandoned any pretence of keeping this short? No idea, but hobbies and crap is up next. To stick to the theme, I also decided that touching grass is for weirdos and picked all the staying indoors perks. As such, my life features such extravagant hobbies as “Playing Video Games” (I need you to picture some kind of Award Ceremony Introduction Animation thingy here, with sound effects and everything, otherwise the whole joke doesn’t work. Help me out here, alright?), as well as “Listening to random stuff about random topic nobody cares about”. Oh yea, and I spend entirely too much time bouncing between being utterly lazy and then doing shit like this for no good reason. (It’s a totally mentally stable kink list (of sorts..), in case you’re interested). I also do some programming and stuff, basically, if you can do it on a PC I probably did it at some point. That’s what we’re calling “hobbies” in these parts, while we all sit in a circle and nod at each other in approval. It’s how this works, stop looking at me like that!

Other than that, I’m a bit weird, hide all the squishy feely bits behind a tad-too-obnoxious humor and tend to say the same thing in 15 different ways because I’m deathly afraid of not being understood or something, who even knows. And how’s your day been? On the bright side, being forced to spend 24/7 on thinking about random stuff, I’d like to claim that I’ve come out the other end being very open, honest, with no desire to play stupid games. I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that all the insanity on display here will sufficiently demonstrate that I’m not a scamming, ghosting or otherwise dishonest person. Given what people tend to complain about, I ought to expect everyone ever to reply to this post because of that, but, alas, that's not gonna happen, is it? Still, it's a thing, take it or leave it!

What else… oh, yea. Experience wise, I’ve had a pretty fair share of encounters over the years, but I trust you can do some reconstruction of that on your own, if you dare click on the link above. For very important statistics reasons, further sentences in this section have been redacted! Blame whoever you want, as long as it's not me, thanks! :)

So… did I forget anything? I don’t know, I waited for 10 minutes and no answers appeared on my screen, so I assume that means we’re good. Moving on!

Part II – What/Who do I want?

I don’t actually have a particularly strict definition of what exactly I’m looking for, I’m open for suggestions. Ultimately, I’m just looking for someone I click with, who is of the female variety. Preferably, I want the, wait, what was it, “magic pixie dream girl” or something? Yea, that, again, contractual obligations and whatnot. Short of that, I’d prefer some long term setup, because, you know, writing these obnoxious ads does get a bit old now. And so do I… However, I’m, in principle, open for something short term or something in the middle or whatever funky thing you may have in mind, the biggest limiting factor is just chemistry, really.

As such, I’m also not particularly bothered about: age, location, looks, ethnicity or experience. Obviously, I don’t wanna bullshit around. I have my biases, I’d rather you be somewhat close in age, at a reasonable timezone, looking pretty and adhering to whatever tribal ethnicity preference bullshit the lizard brain cooks up for the day, but, frankly, none of that has ever been the bottleneck. No amount of hot looks and such helps one bit when things just don’t click, after all. Same thing applies to experience, not particularly bothered. I’m a creative little weirdo, I’m sure we can figure something out either way!

Long story short, I’m obviously looking for a domme with whom I can establish a D/s setup of some description, but I don’t necessarily have something awfully specific in mind. Except that it’s likely exclusively online (mostly because of sheer logistics, but my anxiety stuff and whatnot is an issue as well) and preferably aims to be more than a deal for tonight. Finally, for anything but the most casual or short term of arrangements, I have a very strong preference for monogamy, even if it’s not necessarily a romantically serious setup. I’m just not awfully interested in offering submission to someone who just jumps around to another dude an hour later, it’s not really my jam, gotta say. And, of course, that goes both ways.

Further, speaking of offering submission – that’s my overarching view on the whole D/s thing. I have very little interest in dommes who feel the need to take submission by force and/or feel the need to constantly remind the whole world how totally in charge they are. I'm not really looking for the leather, chains and whips, but rather for someone I can give my submission to. In other words, I'm more looking to be a toy, less so a punching bag, to make things uncomfortably short for my tastes.

Finally, I desire open, honest and clear communication. I understand that a lot of people suck at this a little (or a lot) and that's fine, but what I can't deal with is a lack of effort. As I said earlier, I'm looking to give my submission, not have it randomly taken. As such, knowing who I'm giving it to is rather important to me, so I'm simply not going to deal with people who communicate in single words or sentences, void of information. I just can't do it, there is no future in it, it's a waste of everyone's time - not doing it. Speaking of which, I would strongly encourage you to write, at least the very first message, via DM. If you chat me, there is a) no telling when I'll notice, b) a good chance that I'll be a bit tilted and c) the very real possibility that I'm going to assume you're a bot or seller. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules, it's just how the internet is now :|

Anyway! Hope you, dear reader, are at least somewhat happy, because this is very cut down and I'm unhappy about it! Either way, moving on:

Part III – What’s on offer?

Well, I’m afraid it’s a bit of a mixed bag. As alluded to, physically, I don’t have much to offer. Pretty poor shape, the weight and I are in disagreement, pretty poor skin and the size queens ought to be gone by now. So when I’m offering a general openness to sharing all sorts of media (anxiety levels permitting), that may be of questionable value. But it’s a thing, so there. Then again, if you're more of an audiophile, perhaps you'd be fine, I don't know.

Furthermore, I’m in possession of two kinds of remotely controllable toys, in case you want to make things a tiny little bit less virtual. Then there is my fairly high level of honesty and a general very high drive to keep my promises. Having said that, I’m not going to deny that my brain chaos can make it very difficult to be perfectly obedient at times, but I hope my dedication to this monstrosity of a post demonstrates my willingness to try my best. Kink wise, I’m afraid my offerings are modest as well, but you can investigate that yourself, in detail, with the link above.

Short version is that my upsides are probably fairly rare and quite valuable, but they come at a steep price, if you’re looking for the athletic hunk of manliness of your dreams, I’m sorry to disappoint. But if you are sufficiently annoyed by the flaky, fake, ghosting nature of online interactions of any kind, perhaps I can outweigh these things. Your call!

Right, I just outright deleted two more headlines because who cares, apparently, so you made it. Barely 10k characters, not toooooooo bad, yea? Now would be the time to write a message and stuff!