Hello ladies!

Please have a cup of tea and a nice biscuit or two ready for this block of text that follows. Might take a while to peruse. Or you might just want to spit tea over your laptop/phone, who knows?

THE PROPOSITION:

I have a fetish - I know, you're alarmed because of the totally misleading title - that has developed pretty strongly over the last few years. I want a woman to give me a particularly mean handjob. Ruined (multiple?) orgasm(s), post-orgasm stimulation, and small penis humiliation. I have a pretty average-sized penis really, but god I love being told that I do not.

What's in it for you? Well I'm happy to repay your enthusiasm with any fetish of your own you want to explore. Maybe something you can't get at home, maybe something you can, but you just want more of it, maybe something you've always wanted to try but have been too shy to ask anyone til now? Whichever it is, I'm more than happy to fulfil my end of the bargain, no questions asked.

THE SITUATION:

I am a happily married gentleman who is about 95% sexually satisfied. That 5% is just something my wife is not into, and I don't want to push her to be uncomfortable. We absolutely 100% respect each other's wishes, and I wouldn't be doing this without her consent. We're all adults and we should know what to expect from one another, which is respect, discretion, and reasonable exploration of ourselves as human beings.

HOW IT WOULD WORK:

This might be a one-time thing, or a semi-regular thing (once every few months, maybe?) It would work by you sending me a DM with a bit of info about you and we'd very slowly work our way to an irl meetup, with no expectation of anything going further. Maybe a coffee or a meeting in an art gallery or similar? I think meeting up somewhere neither of us lives is the dream, but life isn't ideal, so there's a lot of flexibility as to the where.

WHO I AM:

I am 38, Irish, happily married, a non-smoker, vegan, healthy, 5'8, 68kg, ginger, bearded (in general pretty hairy, really...), tell terrible jokes, make amazing conversation, and was once described as "the most mediocre bang in the country". Form a line, girls.

WHO YOU ARE:

Ideally I'm looking for someone a bit like me. If you're a few years either side of me, a few kilos heavier or lighter, happily married, not a smoker - congratulations, you're the woman of my dreams! You're absolutely perfect and I'd love to talk to you in DMs!

I'd imagine that for most people this is enough Internet for one day. If you feel a strong sense of horniness, interest, or pity after reading, please get in touch! I'm going to go put the kettle on now and wait by my inbox. Thanks for reading!