Hi all,

Bear with me as this will likely meander. In my mind this is at least an acknowledgement of where things are at, maybe even a confession to some degree; it's also a hope that I'm not fully alone in this experience and that others can relate.

I'm 36 with 2 kids (they're great) and a wife (she's great). And yet I'm here. Why? The easy, though not fully true, answer is that there's a mismatch in libido. Yes that's a part of it, but I think the motivating drive is more a lack of connection. I miss the ease with which excitement in interacting came so easily - it was effortless once upon a time. Now with all of life's responsibilities, and especially with the wife's life responsibilities, there's such precious little overlap in time with which to even attempt that connection. And that's saying nothing about having grown apart in the interim and with that growth increasing difficulty in the connection.

Okay, you might say, so why not address that lack of time together - maybe with more time it will be easier too? Believe me, we have. Or at least I have. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a little bit frustrated by the fact that her efforts, when made, don't seem to stick all that long. I've been in therapy, "doing the work" as they say, and it doesn't seem like it matters all that much. I'm not fly-off-the-handle frustrated or get divorced frustrated. Miffed might be the best way to put it. I'm working on making the changes I can to be at my best personally as a dad and spouse and I'd like that effort returned.

But that's the thing, it's not like she's sitting around on her hands. She works and works hard. It's damn sure that we collectively would have a lower quality of life without that work. So that's ultimately the rub isn't it? To get what I want would require a fundamental change of virtually every aspect of my life and...I don't want that. So where do I get off even having that frustration to begin with? Maybe I just like being frustrated?

So, yeah, thank you for reading this long and terribly unsexy post. If I haven't lost you to boredom, disgust, a combination of the two, or something else entirely please feel free to write if this spoke to you in some way. A connection here might let me have my cake and eat it too, at least virtually