It's true. All I want is to be loved. I promise this post isn't going to be all a sob story, but I want to give context to how I'm feeling...

I am becoming more and more worried that I will never experience true intimacy again. I haven't seriously dated in over 5 years. My last long term girlfriend had a lot of trauma from a previous relationship, and that had a major affect on me (experienced anxiety and depression for the first time in my life). I ended it because I lost myself in trying to 'save' her.

It took me about a year to even want to start dating again. I have always been very cautious with sex. Testing regularly, asking every partner if they test and if they are 'clean,' using protection. Everything you are supposed to do. The first person I was intimate with since my breakup lied to me, and even though we used protection every time, the gave me HPV. And unfortunately, I seem to be one of the people whos body can not clear the virus, so it is looking like I will have this for life.

I feel tainted. I feel undesirable. And I feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety when thinking I could pass this along to anyone I am with. I have not had sex of any kind in over 4 years.

The worst part is, I love love. I love being in a relationship. I love wanting someone, caring for someone, being with someone. And I love having those feelings reciprocated.

I also love sex. I grew up in a pretty strict (religious) household and didn't really discover my true sexuality till the end of college. I've realized I am a pretty kinky person, and am willing to try most things. One of those things I tried with a previous older partner is Mommy play.

It has become my favorite kink by far. I love the gentleness, the caring, the nurturing, mixed with the dirty, the devious, the naughty. I love having a Mommy who loves her little boy. Through different experimenting with various partners, both in real life and that I have met here over the years, I've found many aspects that I enjoy. A few are:

• Breastfeeding
• Diapers and changing
• 'Accidents'

If I can't find someone to physically be with, I would love to find a 'digital' partner. I would love to find a Mommy who is real, looking for something more long term than short, and is looking for a connection (not money). Maybe you're looking to dip your toes into being Mommy, maybe you're looking for a little extra spice in your life, or maybe you're in a similar situation to mine. Whatever it is, if you're interested in being my Mommy, you're little boy is waiting.