Little backstory: me (25F) and my boyfriend broke up a little over 2 weeks ago. Reasons therefore weren’t pretty. He really was perfect and I didn’t miss anything in the relationship, but, in the end, I missed being a hoe too much i guess… did hoey things (cheating, etc) which I’m really not proud of but thats when I realized I had to end things.

Now, that we are broken up I chose to contact his ex-friend (K: 33M) because of another matter. I was feeling a bit paranoid because I know K flirted with me before back when my ex-boyfriend and K were still friends and we met up for K‘s birthday. But i tried telling myself that I was paranoid for no reason because I knew that K had a girlfriend. So I open the door, and this guy is hot. He was so bulky that I‘m thinking he’s taking steroids but I don’t care because it suits him. After taking care of that matter I came for, we talked… about things I was determined not to talk to him about … but I sort of melted … and after a while he pulled me into his bedroom. I shook myself loose from his grip and sat down across from him and told him straightup that I don’t think that we should have sex (reason being my ex-boyfriend’s ex-friend (but I’m sure they’ll sort it out and be friends again)). So I had to refuse him. He sat down on the bed and I sat down on the sofa across him. I should have just left but I was only able to resist him for a bit. he asked really inappropriate things and I partly answered them… he told me all about his kinks and they match perfectly with my own: he likes to see his girl being fucked by another guy, he likes to be the degrader, he likes to have sex with multiple people at the same time and he loves bdsm… he showed me his preinstalled hooks on the wall... I went to the bathroom during all this conversation and there I noticed that I was already super wet. But… I already made the promise to myself that I’m not going to fuck with him. Now, I sit in the train and I don’t know if that was the right call for me to make. Because on one hand: all I want to be right now is a slut, like thats why I broke up my relationship. But on the other hand, I don’t want to be the cause my exes heart breaks again; I hurt him enough. Btw: K‘s in an open relationship; he also said he would never tell anybody about us (and I believe him). He also told me that if our kinks perfectly match than why not explore them together since I don’t have another way to access them but with him. It’s taking everything from me right now to not text him and tell him that I’ll be back soon, that all I really want is to be used, by him and maybe like a friend of him, so he could watch. I was scared to tell him about my rapeplay fantasies because he might have just fucked me then. But now I want to tell him because I want him to just fuck me. What should I do ?