Prologue

An adventurous ad, eloquent yet elongated. If you decide to journey with me, please read through the whole post, as I’m easily misunderstood. Our subsequent choices matter for the path taken, where will our decisions destine us to? 👀

Chapter Ⅰ: About me

To begin, my tantalising, yet tumultuous tale is scribed with anxiety, excellence, generosity, heroism, justice, kindness, limerence, neuroticism, optimism, piety, quirks, romance, sorrow, utility, wisdom, xenophilia, youth, zeal—indeed an idiosyncratic individual. A figure fierce with fire, despite my misanthropic mire, as my volatile yet valiant vulnerability, somehow sadly beguiles the bumbling, yet burlesque bullies to me lol. Whilst mayhap an unparalelled gift to the gentlest gentlewomen? Endowing my crucial, compassionate care, that hopefully expunges your desolate, devastating despair? 🥰

A Pakistani British liberal-leaning Muslim (or spiritual theist, too long explaining why lol), nerdy with video games (Nintendo, retro, JRPGs (Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy, Xeno especially)), tech (particularly cybersecurity/privacy), animals, languages (an aspiring polyglot, learning Japanese currently), psychology/mental health, humanities, (geo)politics, geography and random trivia (mum says I know too much lol). As you see, a charming combination of ever-changing cultures and creeds. 👀

Melancholically misanthropic with the light of life, I extrapolate everything—the decisive devil’s astute advocate, that lunges in with my liberal-leaning life-lamenting. Whilst wisely open-minded with odd, oxymoronic oddballs…for example, ‘ethical billionaires’! 😂

Clingy and cuddly, lavishing lots of loving attention and affection, picturing being pursued by my protective princess in shining armour. An INFJ on the MBTI, connoisseurs seeking conversation that’s deep & diligent, yet affectionate & authentic—vibes valued from anyone. :)

Random facts:

• Prefer female friends, having many online whom I love dearly, and in return. Peek my profile for a testimonial!
• I cosplay at cons, started crafting. Won’t reveal for now, but a hero, swinging quite the sturdy sword 👀
• In therapy for high functioning autism & BPD, struggle with society, feeling both a normie and weirdo everywhere—it’s hell.
• Seek fitness, but slacking. Need to be um…more menacingly manly? Hehe 💪
• Appreciate happy moments, but most holidays are cringe to me. Much of ‘Muslim culture’ is too lol
• Never been on vacation, though I’d like to visit the vast, wide world.
• Swiped right 0.8% of ~35,000 Bumble profiles, a picky bastard indeed. 😂
• Out of touch with popular culture mostly… 🥹
• Not much of a foodie that my life revolves around it.

Physical attraction is vital (though I care more about personality), will exchange pics once comfortable. I look & sound adorably, alluringly attractive, apparently. A brief overview: light skinned, hazel eyes (somehow people can’t escape my eyes), black curly hair, 5’8, slim side. Sound like a soothing ASMR-ish Londoner raised here lol

Chapter Ⅱ: Sexuality

Being too vanilla for kinksters—and vice versa, while a bottom, I seek a vanilla-ish relationship with a gently gracious, yet feistily flirty service top domme. That angelically adores, yet sultrily shudders the shit out of me. As your free-range male slut, I’d hope the m-mumbling moans and orgasms organically p-pressed and produced from me would gratifyingly get y-you off. Although being masochistically mouldable, it feels pertinent to please for your pleasure, how you see fit, and for your very valued validation. In other words, I’m quick q-quivering to your demanding, daring demeanor… 😳

Not only that, a ripe recipe for an orally fixated predator—kisses, bites and blowies ignites my instincts…it’s a tad primal thing I have? Pleasing you too? Again, as your free-ranging organic prey, I imagine w-whimpering and writhing from my ‘fear’ of you. While you, intoxicated with powers of probing, pouncing, and preying upon m-me, trying to reluctantly ‘resist’. But you win, devouring y-your delicious delicacies squirting from my s-squirming soul… @.@

Perversions, and sex positivities are…heavily hot from quite wanton, witty women, wilfully wide open with their whirlwind of desires. Not fearing judgements for my…holding, hardy horniness—inversed in fact, it zaps them with zestful zeal! So, I’m here to feel even more elusively exemplarily, but joined to your juicy jokes. As, I’m just a benign boy—kissless virgin—yearning to yield and yell to your gentle, grabby greed… 🥹

Chapter Ⅲ: Potential Clashes and Preferences

As honesty is best policy, coupled with not ‘faking’ my liking for you, here’s things we could clash on…but perhaps we can work things out, so not strict ‘dealbreakers’:

• Avoidant people. Unsure how I magnetise them, and it’s draining. I want to feel wanted, not begging for your attention. And don’t ghost me man, it fucking hurts! Tell your issues with me, so we can work things together. I’m not perfect, nor a mindreader (I wish). 😭
• Radical feminism (aka man-hating). I call myself an egalitarian, as both misogyny & misandry are cringe. My sarcastic humour pokes at gender stereotypes, so I don’t want to tip-toe around. Why I love so-called ‘pick me’ women, haha
• Socials I’d only migrate to: Telegram, WhatsApp, Signal or Session. Respect that I won’t use Discord, Snapchat, or others.
• Lack of voice calls. If we vibe, I’d want to call soon after; feels more ‘real’. Hope to meet in person too, especially if near.
• Drugs/smoking/alcohol. Don’t do them and mostly dislike others doing them too.
• Excess teasing/cruelty/harshness. I’m sensitive, and I could get upset even if it’s just a joke.
• Younger women. I prefer slightly older women than me, but please be 20 .
• Not into trans/NB people, sorry.

Intimate clashes:

• Wanting me to ‘dom’ you. As much as I’d love blowjobs, I loathe head-grabbing and degrading women. And I’m not your fucking daddy 🤮
• A BDSM lifestyle. Like I said, I seek something vanilla-ish, Not seeking a dominatrix, nor subservient to you 24/7. Life is more than sexual dynamics.
• Tattoos/piercings/makeup. Prefer the more ‘natural’ look, not into hardcore goth or women really into make-up.
• Focused on PIV sex. I feel almost nothing erotic thinking about it, which I guess is odd?
• Anal/pegging…though maybe I can if you convince me really hard enough? 😂
• Feminisation/crossdressing…I know I’m eccentric, but not like that. Not a femboy/sissy lol
• Clothing like lingerie/leather makes me zzz…personality matters more…
• Don’t want kids. I love kids, but think I shouldn’t have them.
• Blood, piss and shit stuff. shrug

Finally, the biggest bump: being judgemental. I realise what I seek is niche and hard to find. I’m…truly terrified doing the ‘wrong’ thing. Yet determined to find what I desire as compromising what’s important just isn’t worth living through, and I’m trying so hard. Please have compassion and understand, not judge and nitpick. Tl;dr don’t be a jealous, judgemental cunt, or you’ll fucking get what’s coming 👀

Epilogue

Now you have the information needed if you want to tread this perilous path with me, please select your desired route, each with its own ending. Remember, our choices matter:

Route Ⅰ: ghosted, bad ending. An 80% rate of me ghosted…will you be the victorious 20%? 😭

Route Ⅱ: platonic friendship ending, men open too…hope the RNG of life at least gets us this 12% rate. 🥹

Route Ⅲ: ethical flirtationship/FWB ending, emphasis on friend, still ‘serious’. 7% rate.

Route Ⅳ: your favourite person in the world ending, that we—my heroine—will be together, forever…but unhappily unlikely, with a 1% rate. 😂

To queue for this quest (before others win 👀), please be kind, make me feel safe and preferably use Reddit chat, briefing about yourself what ignites your interest in me wanted route location age (not “Hey”)! Again, if you feel we won’t mesh quite right, don’t hesitate messaging. I’ll respond to everyone (if not an obvious bot or troll), and I’m sure something can be worked out, so hopefully your effort isn’t wasted (I know what it’s like). Relationships are about making each other feel good, compromising happily. :)