I'm looking for a Big Sis figure in my life. Someone I can confide in and feel safe with but still be erm... a little naughty heh.
I have many fantasies of talking to someone who like unconditionally cares for me I guess. I know that's not real or healthy, but I just ahhhhh. You know? I don't have anyone in my life that I can look up to. I've been disappointed time and time again, and I know it's dehumanizing to put people on a pedestal, so I'm willing to stick it out if I get disappointed and not idolize you, but ahhhhh.
I don't think I'd judge you. I hope not. If I do, I don't mean to. I just want someone who can not judge me too. Let me be a little selfish sometimes or mean and still be there for me, ok? Can you be there for me? After our beds are all wet and sticky, can you still be there for me when I want to cry but I can't and it's all awkward and stuff?
I scare people sometimes, and maybe I'll shock you because like I don't want to be put on a cute and innocent pedestal neither. I... have done not ok sadistic things, and I'm still trying to figure out why... but even though I like to uh... hurt people and even though sometimes I want you to hurt me can I still be your little boy who's figuring out his body? What's sex? Is it like "porn?" How does it work? Big Sis! Big Sis! Sometimes I get, like, stiff down there. It happens a lot when I'm around you for some reason. Is it ok?
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- 1 year ago
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