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Hi,
Part of me can't believe I'm about to write any of this down, but here goes nothing...
I'm a pro athlete, with a really growing celebrity both at home (UK) and around the world. But I've developed this habit of needing to feel humiliated and sexually denigrated when I lose poorly on court or in big games. It's actually kind of hard to do something like this our tour - I think people think it'd be easy but actually the practicalities of doing it are quite challenging, especially as my reputation grows etc. And I'm very publicly linked to a partner.
So I set up an alt insta to message men who have tagged my blue tick account or been to my games. I often dress up in my performance gear for them and strip, follow orders etc. I've already got thousands of followers as word slowly gets out (you can follow here). Sometimes I even do live shows for my followers etc. Feels like I'm really playing with fire... Although Im careful and discerning to only accept new followers that are real, and not just faceless burner accounts etc.
Once it's over I get these huge waves of guilt and shame, but I cant pretend its going to stop it from happening again. I'm now fully addicted to this, and dont know how to stop. It also feels strange to have this publicly open back door into seeing me naked and doing this stuff. Esp since my boyfriend had to wait almost 6 months to see me fully naked.
Feels good to get it off my chest.
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- 1 year ago
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