Now, I know what you're thinking, and let me tell you, here at Werewizard Fucktronics Inc., we pride ourselves on only the latest, greatest sodomy products and experiences delivered with only the best velvety, 50's-esque announcers and all the luridly odd emphasis that entails.

"Why do I need the latest, greatest shaky-making experience from Werewizard Fucktronics, Inc.?" you might be asking. It's a fair question - maybe many of your friends have thought the same. Well, it's all about perspective, you see, and with several solid, juicily-lubed years of experience in the butt game, we deliver only the very best answers to that incredibly pressing query.

The truth is, the competitors just don't make the cut. Now, we're sure the less-discerning characters among us might be perfectly fine with a humdrum, run-of-the-mill butt-stuffing from Anodyne Anal Solutions, complete with just about enough lube and a serviceable couple of pumps before being filled somewhere vaguely near the brim on a full four out of ten occasions. Or perhaps you might know a few unfortunates who've trusted their precious time set aside for sodomy to the store-brand purveyors of something resembling sex.

But here at the Inc, as we like to say, it's all about quality. That's right, quality - from the cheerful puns drizzled in to add a little bit of tension-melting, happily-mischievous flavor alongside practiced hands and a scintillating flicker of heat and pressure, to a passionate kiss and gently reassuring grips on hips with the right mix of firmness and flair, it's about delivering the best experience to you, the consumer. Because as we like to say, it's all about being the top when it comes to your bottom line.

With over sixty-five luscious, thick, and liberally-applied lubes on tap (now, might I add, with handy dispensers done up like soda fountains in our seven state-of-the-art facilities) and a progressively-staged application of several inches of sensation ranging from nudging to bulgy to positively overstuffed, the sensation is like any other, and that's our corporate promise. Whether your Official User Position is faced-down on the floor with a nice mix of spanks, roughness, and grabs in the mix, or a sensual, svelte ride with candlelight and more than a hint of tongue alongside, we offer something for everyone.

And now, you can indulge for the low, low price of free, simply because the pleasure is in the customer service itself, so to speak. Act soon, and we even offer several scandalously sublime bonuses, from hand-holding to friendly reassurance.

After all, here at Werewizard Fucktronics, the customer always comes first^*.

^{* Terms and conditions may apply; puns may vary depending on the date and time. Acts other than butt-stuffing are available but may come with additional cheekiness and banter. Must be 18 or older to be entered.}