Dear Faculty, Staff, and Students,

I am glad to be here severing as the first male president. It is my true honor to serve you as president and I look forward to continuing the great legacy of the university. To keep us at the cutting edge of research and education, a few changes must be taken immediate:

To save on vital water supplies and electricity, all restrooms with be closed including those in the dorms. To relive yourself, please find a nice piece of grass or a tree to water or fertilize. Garbage cans can also be used during colder weather. There will be one center shower location for community showers to significantly save on water. Showers will be held every hour for 15 minutes.

Research has continued to show that female milk is much healthier for human consumption than that of cows. Therefore, I am instructing animal sciences to stop milking cows and start milking females. Any female with breasts larger that DDDs must report to Willard Hall tomorrow at 9AM to start the lactating process.

Lastly, uniform policy is being updated. All females must only wear a bra on their upper half of their body. No other clothing item can be worn.

Thank you all for your commitment to this wonderful place and I look forward to these new changes.

-The President

[I imagine us both playing multiple characters throughout the university as we explore the new policies of the president. This won’t be the only policy change announcement that the university will have to adjust. I’d love it if you just jump into a scene with people reading or having to adjust to one of the new policies. Maybe roommates in the dorms no longer able to use their floor bathroom? Or a professor having to lose their top. Or the first time everyone with DDDs or bigger reports to Animal Sciences. I’m open to any scene.]