I'm big into satanism and the occult.

For a good long time, I bought plastic crap from junk stores thinking I was gaining some sort of dark power. It didn't work.

In fact, I only ever bought one true item of power, and it wasn't what I thought it was. See, I thought the tome would help me summon a submissive lust demon, bound by black magic to worship me and fulfill my every fantasy for all eternity.

What I summoned was a succubus with a monster dong and an addiction to miller lite and chilli dogs.

"FORCES OF SATAN. I COMMAND YOU! GIVE ME WHAT I WISH, I DEMAND SATISFACTION FROM THE DEEPEST PITS!"

BOOM!

A huge puff of smoke erupted from my living room. I was nearly knocked off my feet by the shockwave.

WHO HAS SUMMONED ME FROM MY SLUMBER!?

I cowered in the circle of salt I had made, surrounded by candles and incense.

Oh fuck, just what did I just do? Why the fuck did I think I could master hell?

The smoke began to clear, and there you were. 6'1, with light purple skin and black hair with a hint of red. Your eyes were gray with green pupils. You also had a 12 inch hog.

I brandished a stick of insense at you. The guy at the store had told me it would banish demons.

You stepped forward and bit the burning end off.

"Oh boy, you really are shit at this, huh?" you said, kicking away the salt and grabbing me by the ear. You pulled me through my apartment to my couch, vainly struggling the whole way. You sat down on the couch and threw me down on the floor.

"Thanks for getting me out of hell. It's fucking hot down there. You wanna watch a movie?"

I sat on the floor, looking up at you in shock.

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I'll rape you later. I've just not watched a stupid action movie in like 600 years."

"You wanna watch Commando?"

"Sure."

So we sat on the couch, laughing at stupid one liners. I almost forgot the impending threat of anal annihilation. Then the credits rolled.

"Okay, get your ass to the bedroom!" you said, standing up enthusiastically, picking me up and pushing me towards my bedroom.

"Aw man, don't you just wanna watch Predator instead?"

You paused.

"We'll watch Predator after."

Well at least I had something to look forward to. We went into my bedroom and you leant against the wall, sipping the beer you'd been drinking during the movie and idly jerking off.

"Ahem." you coughed.

BOW DOWN TO ME AND SUCK MY COCK, PUNY MORTAL SLUT!

1 Week Later

I got home from work, a crate of beer and a greasy bag in one hand.

You were sat on the couch, naked, filing your horns with a file and watching some B-Movie which seemed to mostly consist of busty blondes in a jacuzzi and also machine guns. You were surrounded by balled up tissues and porno mags.

"You know you can get porn on the internet, right?"

"Eh, I like my porn analog. Now give me my chili dog and I'll give you yours"

I rolled my eyes and got on my knees. You belched and petted my hair.