You're probably up here wondering why I'm up here running my suck, when you're all chomping at the bit to run your suck this weekend, probably on a whole cavalcade of critters, relatives, and fantasy-type individuals, if I know you. And I'm telling you, I do; I was in your shoes not too long ago, but I made the smart choices and I'm here to let you know, it'd behoove you to have a plan. The weather's going to be pretty good out there, but we all know there's going to be that one chucklefuck who's not listening right now who's going to ruin it for everyone. I don't want to see any of you in my office come Monday morning, especially if you've not hydrating.

I know what you're thinking - "now, why don't we just load up and roll out of here and only bounce back Sunday night?" Now, I'm telling you, you've got to have a plan. I'm not asking you to dot your I's and cross your T's; just engage your brain and make sure you execute in a smart fashion. For those of you who like to go out and romp around with the tentacles, make sure you get an ID first; bend it back and forth in the light a little so you can make sure the gibboring beast is at least a century old. You don't want to get burned with some of these fakes these days. I know a lot of you probably want to go spend some time with family, and I'm not even going to comment on that. Be safe, and have a plan. And it's going to get hot out there, whether you're going to be hanging out back on the block with the boys, or you're lined up with your buddy for a gangbang at midnight. I'm telling you - hydrate.

Now, it'd behoove you to not do that last one; nothing good happens past ten; you tracking me here? I just want to make sure the learning is occurring. If you've got a water source, take a sip now.

For those of you looking to spend some time with your significant other this weekend, personal protective equipment, you following me? We all know the smart thing is to not add to the population, got it? No additions to the population, no matter what hybrid species gets conceived in a fit of otherwordly passion. Even if you're making sure you're getting that water in you, anything you're in better not be getting some, you tracking? I'll be frank here - a bit of rubber is going to save you a lot of beer money, gold coins, or future-type credits for the next eighteen, and Motrin won't fix some things, got it?

Also, hydrate. Round one, round two; it's all good, you're feeling good, right? Round three and she starts getting handsy, when the elves start getting all wiggly, you're going to start feeling a little light-headed. Be smart, and carry that water on you at all times. I'm not saying how; you can pack it with the ten-speed vibrating android arms or just keep a bottle with you when you're hanging out. But hydrate.

I'm going to pass it over to the four-headed fuckbeast in the corner; he's got some news on the Single PenPals Program. You and you, stay after; I want to see all the puce-flaired posters on the back-end. The rest of you, that's all I've got.

Have a good weekend, and don't forget to hydrate.