Got an infestation of elves again? Trust me, I know how bad it can be, and I'm here to help.

Now, I don't care how they got in - sometimes one of 'em will just latch onto you on your way home from work, all adorable blue eyes and wobbly, pointy ears, a cute little pout and a silver-tongued tease or two, and then they just won't leave. Sometimes you'll come home and they're already there, all wriggly and playful, already curled up in your bed, with your shirt on just enough to leave the enticing bits exposed. I've seen it all, I'm afraid - elves atop boxes in the kitchen, making soup, leaving trails of lewdness through the hallways, taking up near-permanent residence in the shower and doing their level best to distract from actually, y'know, getting clean.

This is where I come in, though - trust me, I can get the adorable plague of diminutive temptresses off your hands for a reasonable fee and a very discreet cleanup that'll take place when you're away for work, or taking a day or two to visit your mum in Minnesota like you know you really ought to, you know.

How? Well, my methods are a trade secret! Can't have the competition cottoning on, but I will share, just between you and me, that they also work on any number of pixies, goblins, dark elves, and the occasional driderling, should you have any of them popping up between your floorboards anytime soon.

Rest assured that it's entirely humane, though - your blushing, cutely enthusiastic pests will be quite safe in my hands. They'll be taken to a good home, resettled in a place where they can get all the warm, creamy human bodily fluids they could ever desire, and you'll not have to deal with them again! I even like to think of it as providing a personal touch, if it helps put your mind at ease.

So! If you could just tell me what you're dealing with, I can be right over to make all those problems go away. Truth be told, I'm a bit excited, even.

... a license?

Now why would you want to see that?

Because elves are, as everyone knows, lewd, and lewd can be terribly inconvenient for the homeowner of prudishness taste and refinement. Luckily, I provide a service to rehome and relocate all those pesky, pointy-earned charmers, with methods including, but not limited to:

• Luring them out with soup and the promise of a warm bed they won't get kicked out of
• All the precum-slicked, vein-pulsing human cock they can fit up their wiggly little butts
• Admittedly stubbly but firmly gentle cunnilingus
• Headpats, handholding, and other advanced techniques

Call 1-800-WRW-IZRD today!