"You're fucking shitting me."

Abzug scowls, tusks poking from lips that seem almost permanently pressed into a sturdy frown, and leans back in her chair with a grunt. "There's no way you're serious about this; I mean, sure, Nargrash is a fucking prick for running off with an elf, but..."

"But?" I grin, waggling my eyebrows and leaning over the table at her. This particular booth had been ours for years, the cracked lamp and scarred table adding a touch of character to our corner of booze-soaked paradise at Sully's. But tonight, with a little luck, it just might play host to a stupid, awful, glorious plan paying off.

"C'mon, you know it'd just piss so many people off, and we could probably make some good cash on it too, if we put it on enough sites..."

I can see the glimmer in her eyes as she mulls it over, another hearty glug of Clapham's Stout lubricating the thought process before her mug slams down onto the oak. "What'd you have in mind, then?

Shit, it's actually working?

"Well," I offer, leaning in with a conspiratorial wink, "the thing is, y'know... all the existing shit out there is all just 'big green dude with gold chains and a shitty haircut rails little peach-slash-tan-slash-brown girl from an angle that can't be comfortable in real life,' right?"

She nods cautiously, a faint pink rising on green cheeks.

"It's revolutionary," I grin, spreading my arms wide, visions of a gloriously pornographic future dancing in my eyes, my heart in my throat as I play my card. "I've got a decent camera, I'm a reasonably-sized peachish human gent, and there's this cute girl I know whose absolute shitstick of an ex ran off on their engagement. I'm even friends with her already, and, well, I know when I think of her like that, it's not in some weirdly distant position..."

It takes a moment, I can tell, brows knitting together as the blush rises, and the leather seat creaks as she shifts in place.

"Me?" she stammers, and my grin only gets wider.

This one's really simple, and I'm really flexible on this because I'm dying to do a cute orc-with-human love story that doesn't fall into the usual cliches. I'm a shameless pervert who wants to do rough stuff with a blushing, surprisingly submissive orc lass, and then cuddle her to sleep while holding hands. The porn angle is just to make that sound a little less depraved at first, naturally.

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