"... dick."

Gazing at the wizened cultist skeptically, I cock my head to the side, not quite sure I heard the old, void-touched priest correctly, even as he nods with an unwholesome vigor. Down here, the pressure of the sea sinks into your bones, the oppressive weight of a dozen leagues a presence, even here in these unnatural halls. I can barely offer up another word before, giggling weirdly, the old cultist begins to turn a disturbing, phosphorescent green. Waddling away, the tainted creature sings in a forgotten tongue, in notes no merely human voice could produce.

Still, I've got a job to do, and I square my shoulders resolutely, pushing aside the carven stone door, inscribed with figures that seem to shift upon my touch. The submersible waits behind me, but destiny, I cannot help but feel, lies ahead.

As does, apparently, a completely ordinary and surprisingly stylish studio apartment, complete with sunlit windows. Here. At the bottom of the ocean. In the Domain of Madness itself, and -

"Hi!"

Casually tugging on a T-shirt as she yawns a greeting is... a girl. A thoroughly normal-looking girl, sleepily swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and rubbing her eyes. Tossing me a cheery little wave, she drops lightly to the floor, making her bounce in ways I confess are... interesting.

"Uh."

"Hi," she repeats again, winking at me. "Ooooh, are you human? Yesterday your lot was muddling about in caves, but don't you look all civilized now. Pretty cool, yup. I don't suppose you've got a nice, juicy cock for me?"

"Uh." Peering at her warily, I can feel myself stirring despite myself, her emerald eyes dancing over me in a way that's almost unwholesomely lewd. "I mean," I offer delicately, "I do have typically human loins, if that's what you're asking; if -"

"Cool. Here, mind if I have a suck? A ride? A nice healthy bum-fuck, even?" she grins, shamelessly grabbing me between the thighs and waggling her eyebrows. "C'mon, it'll be fun, I promise. Just do what you want to do, I can see it in your eyes. C'monnnnn, it'll piss off my dad and he'll fuck off for another few aeons."

Another few aeons? That does seem like a good, long time for our species to flourish, untainted by gibbering madness. And, if all I have to do is, well, fuck some sort of ancient and terrible and cute spawn of a Great Old One...

"Fuck it," I sigh, hands going to my belt. I'll regret this later, won't I?

The girl grins, just a little bit wider than seems right. "That's the spirit."

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