It's not really fair, and you know it! Everyone always thinks those slithering blobs of tentacle-adorned something in inky pools and gooey portals are just a bunch of horny guys. I mean, true, it's not an entirely unreasonable assumption to make, given that the popular depiction of them is always centered around a turgid mass of suspiciously cocklike appendages twining around and thrusting into various nubile lasses. But that's only what the public eats up, mind you.

Well, let me tell you that I, for one, am not buying it.

What's a self-respecting heterosexual tentacle-monsterette to do, these days? When all the lads are off chasing human women through dark caverns and rickety old houses, developing uncontrollable fetishes for the sorts of girls with non-negotiably solid forms, a scant three orifices for tentacling, and (gag) hair? What are you to do, when the loneliness and lust get too much!

Me. I volunteer!

Now, maybe I'm a little different - the idea of cozying up on the couch and snuggling in for a nice night in each others' arms and appendages might be a bit sappy, but I like to think of myself as open-minded, y'know? And, hell, being able to see through you a little is a turn on. Not to mention, well...

People can be so uncreative sometimes; it's always about tentacle bondage and rapey weirdness with them. Maybe you want your tentacles tugged while I kiss you, or want to simply bask in the moment while we watch a lusty, milky cloud of my seed float up to diffuse slowly around your core. Maybe I don't mind it if you want to stuff my butt, because Lord knows I'm all about stuffing yours.

So, what do you say? Care to follow the guys and see what humans are all about?

Yes: Consentacles, happy fluffy sex, rough but snug sex, cunnilingus, and hot cocoa. Gooey lasses and full asses.

No: Violence, kids, poo, anything else that belongs in the loo.

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