Long ago, there were wonders.

Yes, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon and great pyramids rising out of the sand were marvelous, and even further back, rolling burial mounds and grand monuments hewn of stone were all the rage. But go even further back, to the dawn of modern man, when we first stumbled out of our caves and shaded our eyes against the light. Go back until the most magical wonders of all were in their heyday, sweet and sublime, in that primal savanna and in humble yurts open the plain.

Go back, until there were blowjobs.

Not the sad, shabby suck-and-tug of today, but the sort of exquisite suckling, replete with magnificent strokes of prehistoric fingers that can leave a man weak in the knees, that can coax a veritable fountain of the purest seed from him and leave him breathless and hungry for more. The sort of sheer, unbridled, lust-drunk blend of languid slurps, soulful caresses, and hints of sheer, lust-driven face-fucking in the throes of climax.

Which is why, of course, I'm seeking a research grant.

That's the problem, really. These mythical acts of tongue and touch were so wonderful, so exquisite, so mind-meltingly orgasmic, that the men introduced to the lovely lasses of the past who possessed such marvelous skills never quite got around to doing more. Like, for instance, maintaining enough stamina in the face of such bliss to even risk planting their seed in a fertile womb. As much fun as that would be, honestly. And so, these marvelous skills have sadly vanished from the face of the Earth.

Until now. Until, really, with your very generous support, I can put the last finishing touches on a machine to propel me back through time - the details are in Appendix O - and complete the world's first scholarly survey of the primordial oral sensation. Strictly scientific, of course. Completely professional, and of inestimable value to the evolutionary-biology community.

We've lost a part of our genetic heritage as humans, really - isn't it time we brought it back?

A silly what-if, perhaps, to you, but a serious academic endeavor for me. Follow up research, in fact, will involve introducing our distant ancestors to the joys of modern lubes, and thus to hours of happy butt stuff, and I swear that won't imperil our species' existence.

Kinks: Time machines, sloppy, playful oral, returning said sloppy, playful oral to the present, and being a shameless slut for grant money. Oh, and science.

Limits: Pain, rape, kids, and... Gah, I hate to even say it, but... the humanities.

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