To the tune of 'When I'm cleaning windows'

My baby, she's got hair of gold
Eyes of blue, they're so ice cold,
She's kind of eh, now, truth be told;
You're hotter than my baby.

My baby, she stands five foot four;
But i need me a little more-
Gotta say, my neck's real sore,
You're taller than my baby.

Here I stand at six foot two,
Just four more inches height than you,
With five inch heels we'll make do,
You're better than my baby.

My baby flaunts her tits with ease;
After all, they're double Ds,
But oh my Lord, you're packing Gs,
You're bigger than my baby.

She's been workin' to get real fit,
To get an ass that just won't quit;
But you got your round ass legit,
It's phatter than my baby's.

My baby's got them lips all red,
And she's not bad at giving head,
But I wish it were you instead,
More talent than my baby.

She's all tanned from lots of sun;
You look like you ain't had none,
Could count your freckles one by one,
You're paler than my baby.

She hates working out our kinks,
Got more riddles than the sphinx,
But I prefer the way you thinks,
You're sluttier than my baby.

She's, like, slightly worse vanilla,
Doesn't take that much to thrill her,
Missionary's gonna fill her,
You're kinkier than my baby.

My baby's got her allergies,
But you're always eager to please,
Already down on your damn knees,
More ready than my baby.

Now here's the words you're gonna hate;
She's the one I'm gonna date.
What the fuck you mean, 'I'm late'?!
You're pregnant with my baby‽

To pre-empt any questions, like 'dude, what the fuck'?

My answer is: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don't know where I was going with this, or even if I wanted to go anywhere with it. I'm just a little drunk, and this popped into my head, and you lucky people get to see it.

But enjoy, anyway.