That's right, you didn't read the box wrong. And hey, if you did, no worries there - I know those things say 7-14 years, but really, that's just a legal thing. Should only take you a few hours to build the model on the box, really.

But what about the model in the box, huh?

Mm-hmm, that's me. Two-point-five inches of premium-grade ABS plastic, baby, machined to aircraft-level precisions and perfectly sculpted to fit together with anything and anyone. And let me tell you, my sweet human honey, I can fit together just fine with you.

Want a strong, muscular hunk? That rippling six-pack is only a torso swap away, and I already come with arms as big around as my neck. Want strong hands to hold you tight, and are flexible on the number of fingers? Then, in the words of the sweet, soulful Leonard Cohen, I'm your man. Perfectly crafted clutch power from the strong finger/thumb hybrids of yours truly.

And if you want a real connection, well then, come connect with me. I've got bar-to-3.5mm connections, baby. I've got the good old fashioned studs, the newfangled twistable wrists, and a special something all in the hips. And if you're all about the older men? I've got you covered, sugar. 40 years of experience, all behind this simplistic curve of a smile, and the things I've seen. The things I've done.

So come on, reach out your hand, and let's play, darling.

Let's play well.

Kinks: Sweet, soulful lovemaking, silliness, butt stuff (mostly on you, granted, but if you're gentle, I have four holes back there), and oral in both varieties. Sultry Danish beauties in the quality-control department.

Limits: Being forcibly disassembled, being mixed with cheap crap in yard-sale lots, pain, and poo.

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