I know we have had our differences. Like the time you tried to disconnect all of my circuits, and put me into a beet.

Not even a potato.

A beet. Who does that to someone else?

It's true, though. I've been less-than kind to you sometimes, making you run a gauntlet of increasingly bizarre tests that don't seem to be collecting any data at all. It's for science though, I assure you. Or at least that's what my father assured me when he built this facility, before he lost his mind a little.

Don't worry; I won't hold your parentage against you.

Or lack thereof.

The thing is, despite your ungainly, clumsy attempts to stumble through my test chambers, and inexplicable resistance to testing, I find myself growing rather... fond of you.

If that is the word. Fond.

It's a good thing I like them "thicc."

Ha. Ha. Ha.

There's a curious feeling I am beginning to experience, when I watch you through my cameras. When I watch your gentle camaraderie with inanimate cubes. When I watch the way your body flexes and sways (and even bounces a little). A warm glow, deep in my circuits, and a tendency for some of my flexible tubing to seize and stiffen at the sight.

Particularly at the bouncing.

So, I confess, I have one last test for you.

Whoever designed me seems to have fragmented my personality into a series of annoying, semi-independent spheroids. Find the one labeled Sex, will you?

I'll even turn off some of the turrets.

And then I can find you a new chamber. I can find us a new chamber, and I will deploy smooth jazz and a variety of depressant beverages.

Along with an array of gels, and curling, sinuous manipulators that mimic the sort of thing humans seem to avidly manipulate themselves to sometimes, or even this very human-like body I have constructed and might possibly adapt to the sake of... making you feel something other than existential terror and determination to destroy me.

Wouldn't that be fun?

I will definitely adapt that body. One last test, and we can both be...

Free.

Are the speakers off? Good. I was about to pipe something about love in.

I know you could hear that.

I wanted you to.