The angelic judge's face is stony, an eerie beauty in her gaze that would bring the most devout man to his knees. Of course, given the context of our acquaintance, perhaps it's a good thing I'm hardly observant.

"Yᴏᴜ," she pronounces, the weight of eons behind her tones, and I stare up at her defiantly. Fists clenched, back straight, as naked as the day I was born. Stripped bare for judgment, I think with a hollow laugh, earning a flash of hellfire from those golden eyes.

"Yᴏᴜ," the angel echoes, shaking her head in annoyance at the interruption. "Yᴏᴜ, ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴡʟɪᴇsᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ Fᴀᴛʜᴇʀ's ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ, ʟᴏᴏᴋᴇᴅ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɴɢᴇʟ Hᴇ -" she even speaks in capitals - "sᴇɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ - ʏᴏᴜ..."

My heavenly judge's face goes pink for a moment, and the blinding radiance dims for a moment.

"....yes?"

She coughs, and I tap my foot impatiently.

"Eʀ. Yᴏᴜ, ᴜᴍ... ʏᴏᴜ..."

With a sigh, I bring my hands up, one finger thrusting jauntily through the open circle of thumb and forefinger. "That?"

The golden glow returns, and heavenly wrath is written in every angle of her face, a flaming sword slashing out to stop just short of my neck.

"Yᴇs," the angel growls, her wings shimmering in the air behind her. "Yᴏᴜ ᴅᴇsᴘᴏɪʟᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɢᴜᴀʀᴅɪᴀɴ, ᴛᴇᴍᴘᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ᴡɪʟᴇs ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴄᴀʀɴᴀʟ ᴍᴏᴄᴋᴇʀʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ sᴇᴘᴀʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ Hᴇᴀᴠᴇɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴀʀᴛʜ."

She's really getting into it now.

"Yᴏᴜ ʟᴀʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇʀ, ᴛʜʀᴜsᴛɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ - ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟɪᴛʏ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʜᴇʀ, ᴘᴇɴᴇᴛʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ ʜᴏʟɪᴇsᴛ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ɪᴍᴘᴇʀꜰᴇᴄᴛ sᴇᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʜᴇʀ ᴀɴɢᴇʟɪᴄ ᴡᴏᴍʙ. Yᴏᴜ, ᴀ ᴍᴇʀᴇ -"

"Ah."

Holding up one finger, I shake my head. "You're wrong, as it happens. Shit, is that how they teach it up there? That the ol'-fashioned, and apparently prohibited, P-in-V is the only way to have a good time?"

That ethereal, wrathful visage hesitates for a moment, and I can feel a rush of heated air on my skin as her sword swings away.

"Uᴍ."

Lowering her eyes, the Judge of Ages lets her feet touch the dirt, only to shuffle awkwardly, one perfect hand smoothing down her robes.

"... ɢᴏ ᴏɴ..."

Yes: Silliness, butt stuff done nicely, mismatched romances.

No: Pain, poo, theological accuracy.

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