Blind dates are frighteningly exciting, which is to say: they are as frightening as they are exciting. There’s always that fear that the other person could be a complete nut job, that they could be unattractive or that there could be no connection, which might be the worst of those three, actually. But, that was what made it so fun! Like opening up a randomized box of new wonders, it gave one a sense of pride and accomplishment when it really did all work out.

And this was one of those cases, one where all three tragedies were avoided and something bigger and better was abound. It was a dinner date, setup by mutual friends who apparently somehow came to a mutual agreement that we would mutually enjoy one another. And when I first met you I could readily imagine why anyone that knew me would think I’d like you: I was an ass man, and you were an ass

Not that you were mean, but… there was so much ass! It was all I could look at, all I could think about as we had dinner. God dammit, why did wooden tables have to be so opaque? Why couldn’t the painting behind you be a mirror? Why in the world was I so suddenly jealous of the inanimate object you so casually sat yourself on!? I bet that chair didn’t even pay its god damned taxes, probably voted Republican too…

Maybe I thought this date was going well, but probably you found it the opposite given how utterly distracted I was, unable to even string together a proper sentence. Was I too short with you? Well to be fair so was your dress and I was perfectly happy about that. It’s just hard... to hold a good conversation when the only thought in the back of my mind is how right Sir Mixalot was.

So can you really blame me that when we finally left I tried to cobble together an excuse for us to continue hanging out? I’d likely not made the best first impression, but there was no way I could just let you walk away from me! Well, not unless you walked away then walked back again; I might be willing to advocate you doing that a few times actually.

So, after paying the bill, and the both of us getting to our feet, I was not only struck again by just how unfair it was that you could look like that, but also I was at a loss for a good excuse. I knew I needed one though, so I began to spit out whatever it was I could possibly say to salvage myself. “Hey,” I said, and no I wasn’t about to feed a horse, “this was in really great shape.” Did that make sense? What shapes were dates? Heart shaped, I quickly realized, just like your butt. “I uhh… was wondering if you wanted to come back and sit,” wait a minute that’s not- “at my face… place!”

Fuck Freud.

Okay, I didn't think I was going to post anything tonight but here I am. I got a bit distracted by... well.... butts. This isn't a very high effort post, as I'm sure you noticed. But I started writing in hopes of framing a future post and then this happened. Like a boner it just popped up! Don't blame me, blame biology (which might be a great title for another post now that I think about it).

Anyway, I'm not sure where I want to take this, honestly. We could roleplay about how you realize where this nervous mess of a man has had his mind all night and indulge me by putting my face in the same place. I imagine this would go a bit more femdom then, but I'm a switch so we can take it either direction. All I really want to include is lots of licking. Pussy licking, ass licking, just... put it all in my mouth, honestly. I'm a slut for giving oral, I admit it. And if that excites you more than a roleplay possibility than please feel free to simply chat me up about big butts and hungry mouths like mine!

Also I wrote the title first, then the prompt and I just now realized I never made a connection... but I suppose it should be obvious. Still, lemme say it here: please come take my breath away, with your good looks and by conveniently cutting off my air supply with something big and and beautiful.... like your butt.