Participating in the Poetry Slam!

Goldie, Bare, in the Three Locks

Bad things can happen, when you’re out in the wood,

And sneak into houses, up to no good.

If you’re going to break chairs, and eat all the soup,

Just don’t go to sleep, when your eyes start to droop.

‘Cause if you are there when the Owner comes home,

You could be curtailed in your choices to roam.

You might wake in handcuffs, a little too small

And in a dark closet at the end of the hall.

You might find a collar surrounding your neck,

The lock much too large, and the metal too thick

To think of escaping your horrible fate.

Once you fell sleeping, it was much too late.

And lastly a lock that fitted just right,

A chastity belt, to your waist is snugged tight.

You won’t be leaving this terrible plight,

Because little blonde girls are the Owner’s delight.

So, don’t break in houses is our story’s moral,

Or you could spend your days, used for nothing but oral.

Little Red Ridden Hard

If that tale didn’t teach you to stay out of the wood

Perhaps you can learn to from Red Riding Hood.

Another young girl who thought it was cool

To cut through the woods on her way off to school.

Red discovered the stories were no fairy tale

When she found some big tracks at the side of the trail.

A full span across, the paw prints were splayed

The signs of a wolf were plainly displayed.

And not any wolf, but a creature so scary,

His eyes burning bright, his chest black and hairy,

That one look at him made the bravest heart weak

and those less courageous, their bladders to leak

And then run away, too frightened to linger.

His fangs were as long as little Red’s finger!

Now this terrible Wolf had that mean reputation,

Not for killing lost girls, but for carnal relation

With any young wench he could lure with temptation

To romp in the woods with a novel sensation.

For the Wolf's teeth and paws weren't the only big things

That he brought to the party when he had wild flings

With the maidens, who left him with innocence lost

And an urge to repeat it, whatever the cost.

And this was the fate young Red Riding Hood had,

Forever ruined for a normal sized lad.

It's said you can find her there, wandering still

Hunting in vain for the Big Bad Wolf thrill.