Ladies and gentlemen, boys, girls, and everything in between, hello and welcome to the 'Why We Don't Do Perverted Fuckery At Work' Seminar. Yes, that is the official title. Yes, I am allowed to swear. Yes, this is. actually. real.

My name is Mr Smith. That isn't my real name, and no, you won't be getting my real name. Not now. Not ever. My name is Mr Smith, and I'm here today to talk to all you perverts about bad touching, amongst other things. I won't go into specifics, nor will I single you out; you know why you're here, and I know why you're here.

Now, on account of you all being serial offenders, I'm sure you know how this goes. We give you a stern talking to, show you a video or two, make the appropriate noises, and send you on your way, where you'll pretend to be contrite and whatever, until the next time you open-handed grasp someone's ass, or accidentally poke someone's eye with your cock, or just so happen to pull someone's head into your tits.

Well, not this time. You see, my company has rather a different way of doing things.

Tell me, how many of you have heard that old phrase about walking a mile in another man's shoes? The phrase, people, not the joke. Come on, show of hands. Excellent. Wonderful. Fantastic.

We're believers in this kind of thing. Tit for tat. Eye for an eye. That sort of shit.

I see your puzzled frowns. I. See. Them.

Here's what we're going to do; you're going to spend some time seeing what it's like to be the other half. You like talking lewdly to pretty young girls? Prepare to be a pretty young girl and talked lewdly to. You like grabbing the cock of every young buck who passes your way? Prepare for your dick to be grabbed so fucking much.

We have several degrees of this, by the way; those of you who've committed low-grade stuff- a little verbal harassment- will be someone relatively plain, for maybe a week or two. Those of you who've gone further- and you know who you are, you rapists and stalkers and gropers, oh my- will spend about a year as an over-sexualised version of the opposite sex. The kind who, quote unquote, 'beg for it'.

At the end of your period of punishment, you'll be awarded points based on some arbitrary points scheme nobody will adequately explain to you. Get enough, and bingo bango bongo you'll be back as yourself, all the richer for your experience. Do poorly, and we'll extend your period, and maybe even make it worse; increase the ridiculousness of your hyper-sexualised state, or alter your mind, too. Do you want to be a bimbo? Because we can make you a bimbo. Maybe even make you a puppet in your own body; somebody'll be home, but oh Lord will the lights not be on.

Sorry, person at the back there, we won't be taking questions. No, not even 'can I pick what I end up like'. Have you even grasped this concept? Have you?

Now, I'm sure you all have questions, and I'm sure you all have thoughts on this matter. Please, save them for your individual sessions.

Speaking of, when you return to your rooms, you'll find a welcome pack of sorts; inside you'll find a couple of DVDs explaining who we are and what we do, you'll find a packet containing details of your crimes, and the level of punishment you'll receive, and you'll find a few forms. We'd like you to fill those forms in- your basic details, how much money you have, where you'd like to be transferred to for the duration of your period, etc. You'll also find a letter with a time, date, and location on- this is where and when your initial judging appointment will be, and we'd like you to attend it. Ether myself or one of my colleagues will be there, and we'll tell you everything you need to know.

We'll try to get you into an office as much like the one you're currently in as possible. We work with several companies in several locations around the country and around the world, so we can provide the best service possible. Please note, either myself or one of my colleagues will be monitoring you constantly, disguised as another member of the team in the place of business where you'll work.

Alright, I think that covers everything. Fuckity bye, now.

Are you looking for plot info or something here? 'Cause I dunno that I have any.

Dudes become girls. Girls become dudes. Dudes can become other dudes and girls can become other girls by special dispensation only.

I'd like to discuss shit, so don't just jump right into something.

This'll be a slow-burner, I'd imagine, with lots of workplace stuff and everyday life and whatever. As much as I've built it up to be a lot of fucking and whatever, I think it'd be cool to get some romance going up in here; but if you've got anything you desperately want to see, just ask. The worst I can do is completely ignore you for asking, you fucking sicko.

I'll be playing a dude, though I can play female if it's absolutely necessary.

Questions? Thoughts? Compliments? Insults?

If this is still up, I'm still up for it.