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I cannot breathe. My throat constricts so often that it no longer causes the panic to well up within me. The anxiety attacks, once a rare occurrence, now happen nightly. I try and try to claw through the vast nothingness in my mind, desperate for something to fill the void in my chest. But there is nothing there. No respite for my tortured mind.
I opened up my heart to them. When it wasn't answered with silence, it was answered with hate. I only wanted to help, to make things better. It's all I ever wanted.
They take and they take, but they never give. I am pushed down, beaten, crushed into oblivion. I am kicked and cursed, spit on and ridiculed. Is this how I am thanked? I give everything I have until there is nothing left. A hollow shell of the man I was.
No one cares. No one really knows. I suffer in silence, my screams unheard, lost in the night. Singular, solitary, alone. I could make them hear me, force them to listen to my despair, to look upon what they have done. But I won't. No, I won't.
But then there is you. You can bring me back to life. You need only see me for who I truly am. Rescue me. From them, from myself. I am losing who I am. I am a million miles away and need a guiding light to follow. Please, help me find my way. You have done it before. Kept me sane, put the pieces back together. But I was never truly fixed, not really.
Either way, I will continue. The kind word, the helpful hint. The passion and desire. Everything will appear normal, a skill learned through the long years. Hiding the emptiness, the grief, the anger.
On the outside I'm ablaze and alive, but I'm dead inside.
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- 9 years ago
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